Twitter sure does reward people for being completely fucked up doesn't it?

How the fuck are we the ruling species on this planet

I've decided I'm far too fucked up of a person to be interacting with people on a regular basis. Or the people I'm interacting with suck.

One time I killed a guy online in a video game.

It was all over a flag.

What have I done.

Hey guy parked in the handicap spot who isn't handicapped. Stand still I can fix you

Happy mothers day I hope you all get in a hostage situation

6 nights in a row, awake at 4. I really need to stop doing crack

I found out today that only one screwdriver will fit in my nose and this makes me sad

HEY @ruckaruckaali YOU ARE VERY TALENTED AND A FRESH TAKE ON PARODY AND YOUR MUSIC IS GREAT IM YELLING B/C EVERYONE ELSE IS.

The more and more I think the more and more confused I get. It's an odd thing. Don't really get it.

This one time I didn't follow @ruckaruckaali and I woke up dead. true story. Follow him or he'll get you addicted to crack.

I don't think I understand anything.

Can we start again? Rewind to 2 years old, let me keep all the knowledge and life experiences though

Siri doesn't cuddle like she used to

@dantenovacaine @j_bake412 @whosantcox @profnemesis @freehamjobs @panda_shiner @ibizzell pic.twitter.com/euVq8kcsRj

I'm fucking awesome. Your loss. You'll realize that soon enough.

"What's the worst that could happen?" a soon to be dead biologist in a chem lab

Big plan today: go to gym, enjoy day off.
Reality: went to school, went to store, ate a lot of crappy food, sprained ankle.

Lol.

ANYWAYS.... Long story short an Ostrich was in my back seat freaking out the whole way home today

About to sand. Does this make me a twilight vampire pic.twitter.com/PV7oQowJUl

It's really weird as a automotive photographer for a family of dealerships south of Boston I was trampled by camels at work today