Tupac was arrested leaving Coachella. He was in possession of 3 holograms of cocaine.

@is_anyone_up longest pussy lip contest.

I will never understand why my iPhone will correct an actual word into a different actual word. Just chill put you pretentious-ass phone.

#whyaustin Because apparently KJU has never met anyone from Dallas...

I go to gay bars, so what. Name somewhere else that has as strong of drinks and soft toilet paper.

I'm gonna start an Etsy's store called "Jewelry girls leave behind so they can try to come back over." Each order gets 50 free hairpins.

Bar spin to manual to finger bang your 2nd cousin with cheeto fingers.

quit crying about being single and go have sex with a stranger ya little heathens

SINGLE WOMEN: Let today be a reminder of how goddamn awful you are at giving head. #Valentinesday2013

DALLAS! @dirt_god @sketchywigger @superchizzy @kareemjwilliams @djnastythoughts @peezytx @hyperuppercut @lil_a666 pic.twitter.com/tU72YXz4

3 things that make everything better: bong rips and whatever 2 things you end up doing immediately after.

Nestle owns Hot Pocket? WHY THE FUCK ARENT THERE CHOCOLATE HOT POCKETS?! THATS FUCKING RACIST. Thats some shit Romney would do, right there.

Why do I have to fall in love with EVERY girl that can put their legs behind their head? UGH!

Some young broad at the house earlier was feeling the thirst. "All the guys that live here are attractive" Bitch trying to catch a choo-choo

Never been into St. Patty's day. Fuck you freckled fucks.

Even tho @zarrahangel can be a butthole sometimes, she is my GF & I love her. <3 pic.twitter.com/uA9G0FOE

if all you want to do is cuddle thats fine but im gonna make your back sore from rubbing my boner on you all night.. just sayin.

I'm only hiring bitches with kids from now on. You ever notice how a having a baby, turns a hoe into a hero? Work ethic like a motha fucka.

Never mad to see a titty.

What if my 1 & only soulmate is a homeless lady who carries all her belonging in plastic Walmart bags & I never took the chance 2 say hi? :(