Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
#Mitterature One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, I Hate 47% of You-ish
They never tell you that in "A Christmas Carol" little Tiny Tim is sick because the Cratchets are slowing selling his organs.
Twitter is down? That explains the lack of stars and RTs I've received.
Twitter has been down for like a year and a half right?
Somewhere Alan Rickman opens his gifts, looks at each one and says "Interesting" in a low ominous voice.
Obama at the White House handling the crisis, Romney collecting canned goods that the Red Cross specifically told him they don't need.
If you unfollow me I feel bad for you because whichever tweet pissed you off, I can always go lower. But you'll never know if you leave.
If you can use plastic wrap without it turning into a total cluster fuck, then you're a witch.
If the school burned down no one would be saying its too early to talk about sprinklers.
People who tweet pictures of the sky. Thanks! We don't have sky here.
#Mitterature Where The Lying Things Are
Twitter is backwards. When you start an account it should automatically have you follow everyone then first one to zero followers loses.
I've done an exhaustive study of what foods are bad for you and have determined that the healthiest option appears to be starvation.