"I'm sorry, I want to cuddle with you but... maybe in the wintertime." - @bredvad

"I'm not stressed out I'm organizing! I'm not going into a god damn laundry mat without a plan!" - @bredvad

@dan_allegretto Just remembered "My Tears Dry By Themselves" and lost it at work.

"It's those pants!!! Literally there's not an ugly fireman." - @bredvad's wise mother

"Ma'am, which way is left?" - grown ass woman legitimately confused.

"People always say how you should be yourself. Like yourself is this definite thing, like a toaster or something."

"I piss all over the subway stations" #hoboshaming

....Xanax and coffee.

Xanax and coffee.

"Who gave grandma the iPad?"

"I hope you and Jesus were a big hit with a huge viral lift last night at the party. lemme know about it." - @ann_kathryn

"Hippopotamus
Irresponsibility
Qualification"
- brilliant haiku

Sarah Sanderson IS MY #1 ONLY fall fashion inspo, that is all: http://t.co/zUBd2RpY via @buzzfeed

Aaron Paul Is Very Confused By Burberry http://t.co/mE2uaUe2 via @buzzfeed

This is brilliant: http://t.co/A7PB4oC6 via @buzzfeed

My life has been changed completely: http://t.co/wZ2DWHt9 via @buzzfeed

Das me!: Read an Infographic Detailing the Endlessly Interconnected Comedy World of Rob Corddry & Paul Scheer http://t.co/hRSit5HY @vulture

"If I can't scuba, then what's this all been about? What am I working toward?"

HEY EVERYONE sooo I designed a really sweet infographic come share it! <3 http://t.co/S5dQlA8W via @adultswim

Exciting new animated gif technology!? http://t.co/rWbhZkVp via @buzzfeed