The only reason I want a boyfriend is so I can go home and have lots of sex

Ate my body weight in Pad Thai and that is ok.

“@uberfacts: Echolalia is the involuntary urge to imitate what someone else just said, the exact way they just said it.” my life

People from Queensland have never experienced the joy of getting an extra hours sleep when DLS ends.

There's an actual person in Sydney called Brandon Stark.

"I care deeply about the environment" "You're wearing Ostrich skin boots" "Well I don't care about Ostriches"

I can't wait until all the chocolate is gone because I keep feeling obligated to eat it and like not stop.

People are crap

omg people think the @schapelle account is real. Because Indonesian jails are harsh but not that harsh to not allow inmates to tweet duh

Djokovic sounds like a major bottom here.

Can't say I'd be able to hang in as well as Duckworth has.

What the fuck when did I ever see it fit to like the Facebook page 'Using the laptop in bed'

Newcastle lost because Zadkovich was captain. Plain and simple. #F3derby

@jxak NO. Until they release a kindle that can give off the smell of a fresh book I refuse

Remember how people said I would meet so many cool gay guys at uni

Good joke everyone

I think someone just vomited on this train fucking GROSS

Imagine if Tyson wasn't my dog. That sentence would be a lot more interesting.

There's not even any point to the other coasts tbh

Sometimes my fantasy relationships with people become so real I get jealous/sad when I realise they're doing other people. #fag

I like my coffee how I like my men. Tall, white, and strong.

Guys. I came up with that myself.