Once you've seen Ewoks strip a Stormtrooper to the bone in 3.4 seconds, you quit worrying about face-eating zombies. #Ewokalypse

FACEBOOK USERS: I hope you will all join me in flagging this page so we can get its disgusting content removed. http://t.co/kcQ0KEUg

Not afraid of SOPA? I can fix that in 2 sentences: The average age in Congress is ~60. Your parents are in charge of regulating the 'Net.

Freaky shit: RT @dannboy75 type this into google maps 47.110579,9.227568 then press street view and look in the top right of the sky

Everyone calm down about new FB interface. When we added core stabilizers to warp engines it went just fine.

Starcraft: teaching American children to fear South Koreans since 1998.

I'm a big fan of 50 Cent, or as he's known in Rwanda, Four Hundred Million Dollars.

Cunnilingus tip: Don't spell the alphabet. Do the konami code.

❒Single ❒Taken ✔Going to kill the next person who tweets this nonsense.

I don't need a man to change a light bulb for me. I'm a chick, I have to have 5 million scented fucking candles somewhere in here.

We can tweet if we want to
We can leave Facebook behind
'Cause your friends all suck
Refuse to say 'fuck'
& they're not in my timeline

There is nothing quite as satisfying as telling your kids they came out of your vagina.

I totally missed the World Series! Did America win again?

If you mix NyQuil and Jägermeister, it tastes a lot like goodnight.

I don't think PMS actually exists. I think women are just secretly angry that men can pee standing up.