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One of my most popular tweets has a typo so don't even fucking get me started on regrets.
It's so nice to walk into the grocery store and not have a fuckin' high school reunion
Not really sure why West Virginia isn't more popular. I can't get over how wonderful this place is.
"It's ok if my tattoo looks ugly when I'm old because nobody looks good when they're old anyway!" Your tattoo looks ugly now, dumb bitch.
Just googled a guy I used to be friends with. I haven't talked to him in over 10 years. Found out he's a registered sex offender. Fun stuff!
Just won a $400 LG TV. No big deal or anything.
Hey dude whom I do not know still sleeping on my couch at 12:30 pm - time to go home
Just found a bunch of screenshots of my old myspace profiles that I was proud of at the time. Someone please kill me.
If you're not pleased with where you are or what you're doing, then quit bitching and change it. It's really not that complicated.
If you want a fuck buddy, make sure he's a republican so you don't develop any *real* feelings for him
I have major respect for anyone who breaks away from the religious and/or political views of their parents. That shit is hard.
Do any of you nice people want to have a loveless marriage with me so we can get some financial aid up in this bitch?
It's not that every guy is the same- it's that every guy you will ever be interested in is the same. There is a difference.
Pro tip: move from California to pretty much anywhere and people will automatically think you're way cooler than you are
I wonder how much it would impact my life in the long run if I just flew home to California right now and didn't take any of my finals...
Every person I've met on Twitter and then hung out with in real life has been cool as fuck. I think we're onto something here.