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One of my most popular tweets has a typo so don't even fucking get me started on regrets.
It's so nice to walk into the grocery store and not have a fuckin' high school reunion
"It's ok if my tattoo looks ugly when I'm old because nobody looks good when they're old anyway!" Your tattoo looks ugly now, dumb bitch.
Not really sure why West Virginia isn't more popular. I can't get over how wonderful this place is.
Just googled a guy I used to be friends with. I haven't talked to him in over 10 years. Found out he's a registered sex offender. Fun stuff!
If you want a fuck buddy, make sure he's a republican so you don't develop any *real* feelings for him
I have major respect for anyone who breaks away from the religious and/or political views of their parents. That shit is hard.
Do any of you nice people want to have a loveless marriage with me so we can get some financial aid up in this bitch?
It's not that every guy is the same- it's that every guy you will ever be interested in is the same. There is a difference.
Every person I've met on Twitter and then hung out with in real life has been cool as fuck. I think we're onto something here.
You all are annoying as fuck today
This chick next to me in the library just googled "google" and then clicked on the first link. Let's just hope she never procreates.
...I guess everyone just wants my dick
Someone needs to tell Taylor Swift that if she put out once in a while then maybe all these guys wouldn't be breaking up with her.
I'll be back in California in about 3 weeks if any of you want to make plans with me and then not follow through