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People who need the volume on an even number are crazy…it can also be on a multiple of five.
Tip: When the cop asks you "Do you know how fast you were going?" do NOT respond with "I know, right?!"
I wonder how many hipsters realize they're simply dressed as characters from Mister Rogers' Neighborhood.
It's kinda funny how I open a pint of ice cream and don't immediately throw away the lid.
To avoid the last minute rush, I'm getting my holiday weight gain out of the way early.
After a few beers, I'm like Oprah with my favorites: "…and you get a star, and you get a star, and you get a star…"
Don't you hate it when clothes shrink in the dryer or sometimes just sitting in your closet?
(Did I mention I've been running? I'm a runner now, so I have to work it into every conversation…)
A sitcom about teen girl aliens called UFOMG.
"Mama said check you out!"
- me at the library getting a book recommended by my mother
Damn you, typos! Damn you to help!
Successfully avoided the Freshman 15 only to succumb to the Thirties 30.
Sorry, that Calvin Klein commercial came on... What were you saying?
When I see a hot guy on the dust jacket of a religious book, all I can think is, "Aww, that's a shame…"
Even my imaginary friends are huge dorks.
You can really taste the 'z' in this can of spray cheeze...
When the news interviews lottery winners & asks how they'll spend the money, just once I want to hear them say, "I'm going to the dentist!"
I wish I were rich enough to own Apple products. Or be Republican. Or buy groceries.
Remember going to school all day & still having energy to do stuff afterwards before real life sucked away your desire to live? Good times…
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