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  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    People who need the volume on an even number are crazy…it can also be on a multiple of five.

    • 297
    • FAVS
    SubliminalMessRestenfieldAGreaterMonsterjannable9lvvzzDanieChasebrewcitytatgirlclemwin
    • 122
    • RETWEETS
    whaddupbruhhRestenfieldlvvzzKaylaSkeesDONTJIMMYMEJULZBredwhQuaintQueerGuySammie1701
    Coy0teUgly________
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    Tip: When the cop asks you "Do you know how fast you were going?" do NOT respond with "I know, right?!"

    • 234
    • FAVS
    whaddupbruhhinmediasreserThing_FinderRestenfieldmesajomZombie_KitAGreaterMonsterericsshadow
    • 99
    • RETWEETS
    Thing_FinderRestenfieldmesajomAGreaterMonsternkohesivmancred1NobodysGirlieSnicka21
    HeyZeus666JadeR61799
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    I wonder how many hipsters realize they're simply dressed as characters from Mister Rogers' Neighborhood.

    • 199
    • FAVS
    whaddupbruhhEddieAlfanoinmediasreserPinkLipstitchHonourableHusbaThing_FinderRestenfieldZombie_Kit
    • 80
    • RETWEETS
    PinkLipstitchThing_FinderAGreaterMonsterrmecheeyaThee_lexxBredwhSammie1701FatherWithTwins
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    It's kinda funny how I open a pint of ice cream and don't immediately throw away the lid.

    • 187
    • FAVS
    shashaintlThing_FinderRestenfieldZombie_KitLife_of_fitJonesysWorldGirl_CensoredAGreaterMonster
    • 50
    • RETWEETS
    whaddupbruhhGirl_CensoredAGreaterMonsteriviguerKaneKylaTmoney68ElaineEmiliaBredwh
    TheAdamTroutman
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    A sitcom about teen girl aliens called UFOMG.

    • 142
    • FAVS
    shashaintlRestenfieldfunnybeachgirljbland1967GlennmandirectZombie_Kitms_yawncoughGirl_Censored
    • 63
    • RETWEETS
    whaddupbruhhRestenfieldZombie_Kitericdynamic83AGreaterMonsterlovemydogduckDrDweezilByronDawes
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    Don't you hate it when clothes shrink in the dryer or sometimes just sitting in your closet?

    • 129
    • FAVS
    urgeekisshowingMiloKilledPunkaugtopiaThing_FinderZombie_KitAGreaterMonsterjannable9sneezy20340967
    • 52
    • RETWEETS
    whaddupbruhhurgeekisshowingBeer4AGoodTimeaugtopiaThing_FinderAGreaterMonstersneezy20340967DrDweezil
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    After a few beers, I'm like Oprah with my favorites: "…and you get a star, and you get a star, and you get a star…"

    • 143
    • FAVS
    Thing_FinderRestenfieldAGreaterMonsterDrDweezillvvzzDanieChaseSydLeeWidLeeDONTJIMMYMEJULZ
    • 34
    • RETWEETS
    whaddupbruhhlovemydogducklvvzzDONTJIMMYMEJULZun1xphyscoFatherWithTwinsSuchaNerd87Eric_Bader________
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    To avoid the last minute rush, I'm getting my holiday weight gain out of the way early.

    • 133
    • FAVS
    whaddupbruhhThing_FinderRestenfieldZombie_KitAGreaterMonsterDdoubleBriDONTJIMMYMEJULZTmoney68
    • 43
    • RETWEETS
    AGreaterMonsteramyoneeeallovemydogduckBredwhgcbrownie________OhHellNawCarynmelfunkshunSurgicalSmile
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    (Did I mention I've been running? I'm a runner now, so I have to work it into every conversation…)

    • 103
    • FAVS
    whaddupbruhhZombie_KitkatrinamurphyirAGreaterMonsteriviguerDONTJIMMYMEJULZTmoney68jasonlight73
    • 25
    • RETWEETS
    AGreaterMonsteriviguerBredwhEric_Bader________jazbeebzJimWithoutPantsTheBenHoylejunejuly12
    cdubbub__________
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    Damn you, typos! Damn you to help!

    • 88
    • FAVS
    whaddupbruhhRestenfieldDONTJIMMYMEJULZSubmittedHarlotPanettaSexyTimeTmoney68jasonlight73Bredwh
    • 21
    • RETWEETS
    PanettaSexyTimeBredwhhomovexedusQuaintQueerGuyOGSashameemeebeeSuchaNerd87MeanMijer
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    "Mama said check you out!"
    - me at the library getting a book recommended by my mother

    • 80
    • FAVS
    whaddupbruhhbipolarraccoonDaddyJewseeing_voiceslovemydogduckDrDweezilDONTJIMMYMEJULZTmoney68
    • 28
    • RETWEETS
    lovemydogduckBredwhBobDonnelly6_CherriAnn_LanaAllende______RocketRankoonsarayikesJohnLyonTweets
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    Successfully avoided the Freshman 15 only to succumb to the Thirties 30.

    • 82
    • FAVS
    urgeekisshowingDrDweezilDONTJIMMYMEJULZTmoney68jasonlight73un1xphyscoAwesome_Toddthegayfarmerguy
    • 17
    • RETWEETS
    Beer4AGoodTimeBredwhlovemydogduckzombieparrotrose0justiceolsonovicFGsPlayThingEric_Bader________
    josephthomasPartySlice
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    When the news interviews lottery winners & asks how they'll spend the money, just once I want to hear them say, "I'm going to the dentist!"

    • 65
    • FAVS
    hg47yesitsdarylbabyblue0924truetootrueKimpulsesKittenMcKayiNuskubeingtheo
    • 20
    • RETWEETS
    beingtheoPurpleCatJewelszombieparrotsass_n_assAwesome_ToddBredwhTheBenHoyleBitchyMomProbz
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    Ugh! My food is always so cold by the time I'm done instagramming it!

    • 61
    • FAVS
    zombieparrotThing_FinderlovemydogduckDONTJIMMYMEJULZTmoney68jasonlight73un1xphyscoAwesome_Todd
    • 20
    • RETWEETS
    lovemydogduckBredwhNotReallyLibyR2_F2Zora_d_1991mahatmatweeterCazyrocksMrNormal0675____
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    When I see a hot guy on the dust jacket of a religious book, all I can think is, "Aww, that's a shame…"

    • 62
    • FAVS
    peaceofclay890DONTJIMMYMEJULZTmoney68jasonlight73reanndaJustineAgayperspectivelh_baldwinAtlasSaunders
    • 19
    • RETWEETS
    lovemydogducklh_baldwinthegayfarmerguyStr8GuyGayQuoteFavstar500FavsEric_Bader________TheAdamTroutmanJessikaJordan
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    Yeah, well, if I were hot, you'd find me "bold" and "daring," not "creepy" and "I'm calling the cops"...

    • 57
    • FAVS
    theevilwriterzombieparrotGayDeceiverLuvPugedbritonDominicStrawrileyismeKizerBillhelm
    • 22
    • RETWEETS
    KizerBillhelmthedailymarkerPascalSlothsTheBenHoylebritney_martanRobinbublearmyantstudiosBadMikeyBad
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    Even my imaginary friends are huge dorks.

    • 67
    • FAVS
    RestenfieldDrDweezilDONTJIMMYMEJULZTmoney68jasonlight73Awesome_ToddthegayfarmerguyStephenBCramer
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    zombieparrotbarracuda330Eric_Bader________RocketRankoonFavstar500Favsmandystick71XavierShame______CharlieeAnn03
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    I wish I were rich enough to own Apple products. Or be Republican. Or buy groceries.

    • 61
    • FAVS
    augtopiaThing_FinderDrDweezilDONTJIMMYMEJULZTmoney68jasonlight73Awesome_Toddthegayfarmerguy
    • 16
    • RETWEETS
    Thing_FinderBredwhPeanut_WyolovemydogduckRocketRankoonTateRyannBourbonMommyBradNewsBears
    warhorse76
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    There are people in this bar who don't have their phones out... I don't understand...

    • 48
    • FAVS
    Cheetoe4countryqueenbeCoburnBronsonDanFuckinWhite13spencerSaraESpiveycountchrisdozombieparrot
    • 24
    • RETWEETS
    CoburnBronsonSaraESpiveyzombieparrotbjdjtexbizKimBru49CharmandBrainsCamel_CrushinBeer4AGoodTime
    zombieparrot
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    You can really taste the 'z' in this can of spray cheeze...

    • 53
    • FAVS
    lovemydogduckDONTJIMMYMEJULZnatzz1997Dr_C2006ToxicProbablyTmoney68jasonlight73thegayfarmerguy
    • 18
    • RETWEETS
    lovemydogduckTmoney68RocketRankoonjonesination______MrJack5150BizzyFubblesurgeekisshowingthenoahkinsey
@Jaden76

@Jaden76

Blerg. kik:Jaden1976 / Instagram:jaden_76