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  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    People who need the volume on an even number are crazy…it can also be on a multiple of five.

    • 363
    • FAVS
    beefman138M3lissaMcDonaldalliefreeits_saulgoodevofckRcraioveaniamsunshine78SternoShots
    • 157
    • RETWEETS
    beefman138RealShaughndnmac27aaronmg412its_saulgoodevofckJaySaysStuffNes_Bitt_ME
    Coy0teUgly________
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    Tip: When the cop asks you "Do you know how fast you were going?" do NOT respond with "I know, right?!"

    • 244
    • FAVS
    beefman138davetureqCheeseboy22_Ms_Moneypenny_MikeLalliHeartblakekid15dillon_is_rowdyphotowench
    • 104
    • RETWEETS
    beefman138RealShaughndavetureqwarhorse76BwanaChrisThing_FinderRestenfieldmesajom__
    HeyZeus666JadeR61799
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    I wonder how many hipsters realize they're simply dressed as characters from Mister Rogers' Neighborhood.

    • 227
    • FAVS
    beefman138iamryanjensenTexansfangrrl70FrakkingAwesomematt_mervynNewAmsterdam143M3lissaMcDonaldMelissaJoy33
    • 96
    • RETWEETS
    NewAmsterdam143M3lissaMcDonaldRealShaughnprettygoodyearCharlotteTvrdyjustinrigdontaylorcannon1moose_chocolate
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    It's kinda funny how I open a pint of ice cream and don't immediately throw away the lid.

    • 204
    • FAVS
    TehNemsterbeefman138anvsonygrammar_cuntCinderNataJustinGuariniM3lissaMcDonalduncybillized
    • 59
    • RETWEETS
    beefman138MexiCarliJustinGuariniBeer4AGoodTimeRealShaughnmrashid55ktburnhamGray_Splatter
    TheAdamTroutman
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    A sitcom about teen girl aliens called UFOMG.

    • 165
    • FAVS
    beefman138MDaniel21MzVajM3lissaMcDonaldNateMaybeimnotemoyetCMHorrocksLakelandr
    • 72
    • RETWEETS
    MDaniel21MzVajdavid_tullMariusStefi247kit_dcImaFlyontheWalldeviantstrangerjaycubed2k
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    After a few beers, I'm like Oprah with my favorites: "…and you get a star, and you get a star, and you get a star…"

    • 167
    • FAVS
    beefman138Adar79AngieHeyZeus666CheyenneLaLocaMusicalMelMayjay_jdavisMike_KaminskyInnov8rGuy
    • 47
    • RETWEETS
    skippyfrogzMusicalMelMayMike_KaminskyInnov8rGuykatiefergkrooklyniteJustinGuariniRealShaughn
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    Don't you hate it when clothes shrink in the dryer or sometimes just sitting in your closet?

    • 148
    • FAVS
    NinjaSweatpantsbeefman138JustinGuariniughmeg505evofckAndyWHIVjaycubed2kLeeLuvYoga
    • 65
    • RETWEETS
    stampEtrampNinjaSweatpantsbeefman138RealShaughnevofckjaycubed2kceliah7RocketRankoon
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    To avoid the last minute rush, I'm getting my holiday weight gain out of the way early.

    • 143
    • FAVS
    beefman138LeeLuvYogashooteroflove_Ms_Moneypenny_SexySpainNightsKrantzy_PantztiReynardAmber_duds
    • 50
    • RETWEETS
    beefman138RealShaughnshooterofloveRocketRankoontiReynardAmber_dudsBeer4AGoodTimeAGreaterMonster
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    (Did I mention I've been running? I'm a runner now, so I have to work it into every conversation…)

    • 115
    • FAVS
    rumandrocksbeefman138JustinGuarinibiakabutukajaycubed2kmartin_dimechtweetmickagtdoops
    • 30
    • RETWEETS
    beefman138jaycubed2ktweetmickagtdoopsRocketRankoonAGreaterMonsteriviguerBredwh
    cdubbub__________
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    Yeah, well, if I were hot, you'd find me "bold" and "daring," not "creepy" and "I'm calling the cops"...

    • 93
    • FAVS
    jasonmfrancisBrokenPalabrasbeefman138beaukingfishHeyZeus666DagaDanzigchristensen_kelCassandrasJack
    • 47
    • RETWEETS
    beefman138christensen_kelMoodycabbieKimberlyAblogShjohnbeadohiolucylovegoodBeer4AGoodTimeRealShaughn
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    Damn you, typos! Damn you to help!

    • 100
    • FAVS
    SandaholicsjasonmfrancisBrokenPalabrasbeefman138biakabutuka_sharetheloadArtfulDetectivetweetmicka
    • 30
    • RETWEETS
    jasonmfrancisbeefman138biakabutukamtolson13_sharetheloadBeer4AGoodTimeRealShaughntweetmicka
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    Went for a jog today. Still not thin. Exercise is bullshit...

    • 78
    • FAVS
    beefman138WorstMamaBeTheCookieFavoritesYouKemie_08FunnyTunesDianeLindsay17Anvilsmash
    • 47
    • RETWEETS
    Gaffneylikesyoubeefman138BeTheCookiegreeninkhdKemie_08zcat7777DianeLindsay17Anvilsmash
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    "Mama said check you out!"
    - me at the library getting a book recommended by my mother

    • 85
    • FAVS
    BrokenPalabrasshesjustamessbeefman138biakabutuka_Ms_Moneypenny_96bhhbipolarraccoonDaddyJew
    • 30
    • RETWEETS
    beefman138RealShaughnlovemydogduckBredwhBobDonnelly6_CherriAnn_LanaAllende______RocketRankoon
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    Successfully avoided the Freshman 15 only to succumb to the Thirties 30.

    • 88
    • FAVS
    jaycubed2kidgaf_987_Ms_Moneypenny_tiReynardKarlTheFagHeartblakekid15urgeekisshowingDrDweezil
    • 23
    • RETWEETS
    RealShaughnjaycubed2knickwilson_1RocketRankoontiReynardKarlTheFagHeartblakekid15Beer4AGoodTime
    josephthomasPartySlicing
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    Even my imaginary friends are huge dorks.

    • 88
    • FAVS
    starwarsshirtsarah6804thenoahkinseyForeverFree3339DaringDareBearclemwinNMR8RThe_Scrufffff
    • 21
    • RETWEETS
    starwarsshirtsarah6804clemwinNyAdasHappynerd73awright1974JustinGuarinijoefrog1
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    When the news interviews lottery winners & asks how they'll spend the money, just once I want to hear them say, "I'm going to the dentist!"

    • 72
    • FAVS
    uberpakiSunshineJarbolyNaked_SupermanshooterofloveZachamaroo_Ms_Moneypenny_Heartblakekid15hg47
    • 24
    • RETWEETS
    Naked_SupermanRealShaughnshooterofloveRocketRankoonbeingtheoPurpleCatJewelszombieparrotsass_n_ass
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    Ugh! My food is always so cold by the time I'm done instagramming it!

    • 67
    • FAVS
    greencrayshesjustamessbeefman138biakabutuka_Ms_Moneypenny_RNAwesomeSauce4SLarsCelebrityChez
    • 24
    • RETWEETS
    beefman138RealShaughnlynde19Beer4AGoodTimelovemydogduckBredwhNotReallyLibyR2_F2
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    When I see a hot guy on the dust jacket of a religious book, all I can think is, "Aww, that's a shame…"

    • 68
    • FAVS
    Zachamaroo_Ms_Moneypenny_tiReynardKarlTheFagsophia_be23Heartblakekid15peaceofclay890DONTJIMMYMEJULZ
    • 21
    • RETWEETS
    RocketRankoonHeartblakekid15lovemydogducklh_baldwinthegayfarmerguy__Str8GuyGayQuoteFavstar500FavsEric_Bader________
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    I wish I were rich enough to own Apple products. Or be Republican. Or buy groceries.

    • 63
    • FAVS
    _Ms_Moneypenny_Heartblakekid15augtopiaThing_FinderDrDweezilDONTJIMMYMEJULZTmoney68jasonlight73
    • 17
    • RETWEETS
    RealShaughnThing_FinderBredwhPeanut_WyolovemydogduckRocketRankoonTateRyannBourbonMommy
    warhorse76
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    There are people in this bar who don't have their phones out... I don't understand...

    • 51
    • FAVS
    Bredwh_Ms_Moneypenny_jannable9Cheetoe4countryqueenbeCoburnBronson__DanFuckinWhite13spencer
    • 26
    • RETWEETS
    RealShaughnBredwhCoburnBronson__SaraESpiveyzombieparrotbjdjtexbizKimBru49CharmandBrains
    zombieparrot
@Jaden76

@Jaden76

Blerg. kik:Jaden1976 / Instagram:jaden_76

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