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  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    People who need the volume on an even number are crazy…it can also be on a multiple of five.

    • 309
    • FAVS
    _Ms_Moneypenny_acwzywabitMissy_KellchrismerrilljahedenbronorockomtncrusherMikeLallitiReynard
    • 128
    • RETWEETS
    acwzywabitKizerBillhelmMikeLallitiReynardbroknpromislandBeer4AGoodTime96bhhRestenfield
    Coy0teUgly________
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    Tip: When the cop asks you "Do you know how fast you were going?" do NOT respond with "I know, right?!"

    • 241
    • FAVS
    _Ms_Moneypenny_MikeLalliHeartblakekid15dillon_is_rowdyphotowenchTheWeedFatherBwanaChris96bhh
    • 101
    • RETWEETS
    warhorse76BwanaChrisThing_FinderRestenfieldmesajom__AGreaterMonsternkohesivmancred1
    HeyZeus666JadeR61799
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    I wonder how many hipsters realize they're simply dressed as characters from Mister Rogers' Neighborhood.

    • 218
    • FAVS
    _Ms_Moneypenny_MikeLallitiReynardprettygoodyearellenteeTheTinyVikingSami_theEMTmoose_chocolate
    • 93
    • RETWEETS
    prettygoodyearCharlotteTvrdyjustinrigdontaylorcannon1moose_chocolateRaccoonWhiskeybombsydollK__g_nV_g_n
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    It's kinda funny how I open a pint of ice cream and don't immediately throw away the lid.

    • 196
    • FAVS
    _Ms_Moneypenny_MikeLalliHeartblakekid15kratosfrostbitephotowenchBGEMBGray_SplatterBwanaChris
    • 54
    • RETWEETS
    mrashid55ktburnhamGray_SplatterBwanaChris96bhhGirl_CensoredAGreaterMonsteriviguer
    TheAdamTroutman
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    A sitcom about teen girl aliens called UFOMG.

    • 144
    • FAVS
    _Ms_Moneypenny_MikeLallishashaintlRestenfieldfunnybeachgirljbland1967GlennmandirectZombie_Kit__
    • 63
    • RETWEETS
    96bhhRestenfieldZombie_Kit__ericdynamic83AGreaterMonsterlovemydogduckDrDweezilByronDawes
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    Don't you hate it when clothes shrink in the dryer or sometimes just sitting in your closet?

    • 139
    • FAVS
    _Ms_Moneypenny_Missy_Kellmegz1818jerath90rockomtncrusherMikeLallitiReynardHeartblakekid15
    • 57
    • RETWEETS
    MikeLallitiReynardrealniggiwarhorse76mrashid5596bhhurgeekisshowingBeer4AGoodTime
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    To avoid the last minute rush, I'm getting my holiday weight gain out of the way early.

    • 140
    • FAVS
    _Ms_Moneypenny_SexySpainNightsKrantzy_PantztiReynardAmber_dudsBarrDalyEves196bhh
    • 46
    • RETWEETS
    tiReynardAmber_dudsBeer4AGoodTimeAGreaterMonsteramyoneeeallovemydogduckBredwhgcbrownie________
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    After a few beers, I'm like Oprah with my favorites: "…and you get a star, and you get a star, and you get a star…"

    • 147
    • FAVS
    _Ms_Moneypenny_tiReynardHeartblakekid15BwanaChrisThing_FinderRestenfieldAGreaterMonsterDrDweezil
    • 35
    • RETWEETS
    mrashid5596bhhlovemydogducklvvzzDONTJIMMYMEJULZun1xphyscoFatherWithTwinsSuchaNerd87
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    (Did I mention I've been running? I'm a runner now, so I have to work it into every conversation…)

    • 106
    • FAVS
    _Ms_Moneypenny_Heartblakekid15valzhogan96bhhZombie_Kit__katrinamurphyirAGreaterMonsteriviguer
    • 25
    • RETWEETS
    AGreaterMonsteriviguerBredwhEric_Bader________jazbeebzJimWithoutPantsBeTheCookiejunejuly12
    cdubbub__________
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    Damn you, typos! Damn you to help!

    • 90
    • FAVS
    _Ms_Moneypenny_Heartblakekid1596bhhRestenfieldDONTJIMMYMEJULZSubmittedHarlotPanettaSexyTimeTmoney68
    • 21
    • RETWEETS
    PanettaSexyTimeBredwhhomovexedusQuaintQueerGuyOGSashameemeebeeSuchaNerd87MeanMijer
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    "Mama said check you out!"
    - me at the library getting a book recommended by my mother

    • 81
    • FAVS
    _Ms_Moneypenny_96bhhbipolarraccoonDaddyJewseeing_voiceslovemydogduckDrDweezilDONTJIMMYMEJULZ
    • 28
    • RETWEETS
    lovemydogduckBredwhBobDonnelly6_CherriAnn_LanaAllende______RocketRankoonsarayikesJohnLyonTweets
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    Successfully avoided the Freshman 15 only to succumb to the Thirties 30.

    • 86
    • FAVS
    _Ms_Moneypenny_tiReynardKarlTheFagHeartblakekid15urgeekisshowingDrDweezilDONTJIMMYMEJULZTmoney68
    • 19
    • RETWEETS
    tiReynardKarlTheFagHeartblakekid15Beer4AGoodTimeBredwhlovemydogduckzombieparrotrose0justice
    josephthomasPartySlicing
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    Ugh! My food is always so cold by the time I'm done instagramming it!

    • 65
    • FAVS
    _Ms_Moneypenny_RNAwesomeSauce4SLarsCelebrityChezNotUrGumarHeartblakekid15zombieparrotThing_Finder
    • 22
    • RETWEETS
    lynde19Beer4AGoodTimelovemydogduckBredwhNotReallyLibyR2_F2Zora_d_1991mahatmatweeter
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    When the news interviews lottery winners & asks how they'll spend the money, just once I want to hear them say, "I'm going to the dentist!"

    • 67
    • FAVS
    _Ms_Moneypenny_Heartblakekid15hg47yesitsdarylbabyblue0924truetootrueKimpulsesKittenMcKay
    • 20
    • RETWEETS
    beingtheoPurpleCatJewelszombieparrotsass_n_assAwesome_ToddBredwhBeTheCookieBitchyMomProbz
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    When I see a hot guy on the dust jacket of a religious book, all I can think is, "Aww, that's a shame…"

    • 67
    • FAVS
    _Ms_Moneypenny_tiReynardKarlTheFagsophia_be23Heartblakekid15peaceofclay890DONTJIMMYMEJULZTmoney68
    • 20
    • RETWEETS
    Heartblakekid15lovemydogducklh_baldwinthegayfarmerguy__Str8GuyGayQuoteFavstar500FavsEric_Bader________TheAdamTroutman
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    Yeah, well, if I were hot, you'd find me "bold" and "daring," not "creepy" and "I'm calling the cops"...

    • 59
    • FAVS
    _Ms_Moneypenny_Heartblakekid15theevilwriterzombieparrotGayDeceiverLuvPugedbritonDominicStraw
    • 22
    • RETWEETS
    KizerBillhelmthedailymarkerPascalSlothsBeTheCookiebritney_martanRobinbublearmyantstudiosBadMikeyBad
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    Even my imaginary friends are huge dorks.

    • 69
    • FAVS
    _Ms_Moneypenny_Heartblakekid15RestenfieldDrDweezilDONTJIMMYMEJULZTmoney68jasonlight73Awesome_Todd
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    zombieparrotbarracuda330Eric_Bader________RocketRankoonFavstar500Favsmandystick71__XavierShame______CharlieeAnn03
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    I wish I were rich enough to own Apple products. Or be Republican. Or buy groceries.

    • 63
    • FAVS
    _Ms_Moneypenny_Heartblakekid15augtopiaThing_FinderDrDweezilDONTJIMMYMEJULZTmoney68jasonlight73
    • 16
    • RETWEETS
    Thing_FinderBredwhPeanut_WyolovemydogduckRocketRankoonTateRyannBourbonMommyBradNewsBears
    warhorse76
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    There are people in this bar who don't have their phones out... I don't understand...

    • 50
    • FAVS
    _Ms_Moneypenny_jannable9Cheetoe4countryqueenbeCoburnBronson__DanFuckinWhite13spencerSaraESpivey
    • 24
    • RETWEETS
    CoburnBronson__SaraESpiveyzombieparrotbjdjtexbizKimBru49CharmandBrainsCamel_CrushinBeer4AGoodTime
    zombieparrot
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    You can really taste the 'z' in this can of spray cheeze...

    • 54
    • FAVS
    _Ms_Moneypenny_lovemydogduckDONTJIMMYMEJULZnatzz1997Dr_C2006ToxicProbablyTmoney68jasonlight73
    • 18
    • RETWEETS
    lovemydogduckTmoney68RocketRankoonjonesination______MrJack5150BizzyFubblesurgeekisshowingthenoahkinsey
@Jaden76

@Jaden76

Blerg. kik:Jaden1976 / Instagram:jaden_76