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  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    People who need the volume on an even number are crazy…it can also be on a multiple of five.

    • 297
    • FAVS
    SubliminalMessRestenfieldAGreaterMonsterjannable9lvvzzDanieChasebrewcitytatgirlclemwin
    • 121
    • RETWEETS
    RestenfieldlvvzzKaylaSkeesDONTJIMMYMEJULZBredwhQuaintQueerGuySammie1701JustDrinkItAway
    Coy0teUgly________
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    Tip: When the cop asks you "Do you know how fast you were going?" do NOT respond with "I know, right?!"

    • 231
    • FAVS
    RestenfieldmesajomZombie_KitAGreaterMonsterericsshadowJodiJ_in_LAhareywrightnkohesiv
    • 98
    • RETWEETS
    RestenfieldmesajomAGreaterMonsternkohesivmancred1montenegrinningSnicka21Jordy_Boy15
    HeyZeus666JeanM617
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    I wonder how many hipsters realize they're simply dressed as characters from Mister Rogers' Neighborhood.

    • 193
    • FAVS
    RestenfieldZombie_KitAGreaterMonsterjannable9DrDweezilDONTJIMMYMEJULZTmoney68jasonlight73
    • 78
    • RETWEETS
    AGreaterMonsterrmecheeyaThee_lexxBredwhSammie1701FatherWithTwinslollipopleggiesEric_Bader________
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    It's kinda funny how I open a pint of ice cream and don't immediately throw away the lid.

    • 185
    • FAVS
    RestenfieldZombie_KitLife_of_fitJonesysWorldGirl_CensoredAGreaterMonsterjannable9iviguer
    • 49
    • RETWEETS
    Girl_CensoredAGreaterMonsteriviguerKaneKylaTmoney68ElaineEmiliaBredwhQuaintQueerGuy
    TheAdamTroutman
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    A sitcom about teen girl aliens called UFOMG.

    • 141
    • FAVS
    Restenfieldfunnybeachgirljbland1967GlennmandirectZombie_Kitms_sabrina_jGirl_Censoredericdynamic83
    • 62
    • RETWEETS
    RestenfieldZombie_Kitericdynamic83AGreaterMonsterlovemydogduckDrDweezilByronDawesBeer4AGoodTime
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    After a few beers, I'm like Oprah with my favorites: "…and you get a star, and you get a star, and you get a star…"

    • 142
    • FAVS
    RestenfieldAGreaterMonsterDrDweezillvvzzDanieChaseSydLeeWidLeeDONTJIMMYMEJULZjasonlight73
    • 33
    • RETWEETS
    lovemydogducklvvzzDONTJIMMYMEJULZun1xphyscoFatherWithTwinsSuchaNerd87Eric_Bader________ScottwBloom
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    To avoid the last minute rush, I'm getting my holiday weight gain out of the way early.

    • 131
    • FAVS
    RestenfieldZombie_KitAGreaterMonsterDdoubleBriDONTJIMMYMEJULZTmoney68jasonlight73Awesome_Todd
    • 43
    • RETWEETS
    AGreaterMonsteramyoneeeallovemydogduckBredwhgcbrownie________OhHellNawCarynmelfunkshunSurgicalSmile
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    Don't you hate it when clothes shrink in the dryer or sometimes just sitting in your closet?

    • 125
    • FAVS
    Zombie_KitAGreaterMonsterjannable9sneezy20340967DrDweezilDONTJIMMYMEJULZTmoney68jasonlight73
    • 47
    • RETWEETS
    AGreaterMonstersneezy20340967DrDweezilun1xphyscoBredwhQuaintQueerGuyAmyT0721zombieparrot
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    (Did I mention I've been running? I'm a runner now, so I have to work it into every conversation…)

    • 102
    • FAVS
    Zombie_KitkatrinamurphyirAGreaterMonsteriviguerDONTJIMMYMEJULZTmoney68jasonlight73HeidiGolightly
    • 25
    • RETWEETS
    AGreaterMonsteriviguerBredwhEric_Bader________jazbeebzJimWithoutPantsTheBenHoylejunejuly12
    cdubbub__________
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    Damn you, typos! Damn you to help!

    • 87
    • FAVS
    RestenfieldDONTJIMMYMEJULZSubmittedHarlotPanettaSexyTimeTmoney68jasonlight73BredwhStephenBCramer
    • 21
    • RETWEETS
    PanettaSexyTimeBredwhhomovexedusQuaintQueerGuyOGSashameemeebeeSuchaNerd87MeanMijer
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    "Mama said check you out!"
    - me at the library getting a book recommended by my mother

    • 79
    • FAVS
    bipolarraccoonDaddyJewseeing_voiceslovemydogduckDrDweezilDONTJIMMYMEJULZTmoney68jasonlight73
    • 28
    • RETWEETS
    lovemydogduckBredwhBobDonnelly6_CherriAnn_LanaAllende______RocketRankoonsarayikesJohnLyonTweets
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    Successfully avoided the Freshman 15 only to succumb to the Thirties 30.

    • 81
    • FAVS
    DrDweezilDONTJIMMYMEJULZTmoney68jasonlight73un1xphyscoAwesome_ToddthegayfarmerguyBredwh
    • 16
    • RETWEETS
    Bredwhlovemydogduckzombieparrotrose0justiceolsonovicFGsPlayThingEric_Bader________ItsMyKitchen
    josephthomasPartySlice
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    When I see a hot guy on the dust jacket of a religious book, all I can think is, "Aww, that's a shame…"

    • 62
    • FAVS
    peaceofclay890DONTJIMMYMEJULZTmoney68jasonlight73reanndaJustineAgayperspectivelh_baldwinAtlasSaunders
    • 19
    • RETWEETS
    lovemydogducklh_baldwinthegayfarmerguyStr8GuyGayQuoteFavstar500FavsEric_Bader________TheAdamTroutmanJessikaJordan
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    Ugh! My food is always so cold by the time I'm done instagramming it!

    • 59
    • FAVS
    lovemydogduckDONTJIMMYMEJULZTmoney68jasonlight73un1xphyscoAwesome_ToddthegayfarmerguyBredwh
    • 20
    • RETWEETS
    lovemydogduckBredwhNotReallyLibyR2_F2Zora_d_1991mahatmatweeterCazyrocksMrNormal0675____
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    Even my imaginary friends are huge dorks.

    • 67
    • FAVS
    RestenfieldDrDweezilDONTJIMMYMEJULZTmoney68jasonlight73Awesome_ToddthegayfarmerguyStephenBCramer
    • 10
    • RETWEETS
    barracuda330Eric_Bader________RocketRankoonFavstar500Favsmandystick71XavierShame______CharlieeAnn03SoFuckingMature
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    Yeah, well, if I were hot, you'd find me "bold" and "daring," not "creepy" and "I'm calling the cops"...

    • 54
    • FAVS
    GayDeceiverLuvPugedbritonDominicStrawrileyismeKizerBillhelmStephenBCramerCindySaysSo
    • 22
    • RETWEETS
    KizerBillhelmthedailymarkerPascalSlothsTheBenHoylebritney_martanRobinbublearmyantstudiosBadMikeyBad
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    I wish I were rich enough to own Apple products. Or be Republican. Or buy groceries.

    • 60
    • FAVS
    DrDweezilDONTJIMMYMEJULZTmoney68jasonlight73Awesome_ToddthegayfarmerguyBredwhStephenBCramer
    • 15
    • RETWEETS
    BredwhPeanut_WyolovemydogduckRocketRankoonTateRyannBourbonMommyBradNewsBearsKizerBillhelm
    warhorse76
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    You can really taste the 'z' in this can of spray cheeze...

    • 53
    • FAVS
    lovemydogduckDONTJIMMYMEJULZnatzz1997Dr_C2006ToxicProbablyTmoney68jasonlight73thegayfarmerguy
    • 18
    • RETWEETS
    lovemydogduckTmoney68RocketRankoonjonesination______MrJack5150BizzyFubblesurgeekisshowingthenoahkinsey
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    Sorry, that Calvin Klein commercial came on... What were you saying?

    • 51
    • FAVS
    lovemydogduckDrDweezilDONTJIMMYMEJULZTmoney68jasonlight73BredwhStephenBCramerzombieparrot
    • 20
    • RETWEETS
    lovemydogduckAfrah_LeeJustaclustermandystick71SalehYKhalilLabarski__________Mo0nEyeHoiisars
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    When the news interviews lottery winners & asks how they'll spend the money, just once I want to hear them say, "I'm going to the dentist!"

    • 52
    • FAVS
    DrDweezilDONTJIMMYMEJULZjasonlight73sass_n_assAwesome_Toddleez_ratBredwhStephenBCramer
    • 17
    • RETWEETS
    sass_n_assAwesome_ToddBredwhTheBenHoyleBitchyMomProbzTwinTwistedretardedjanitorlovemydogduck
@Jaden76

@Jaden76

Blerg. kik:Jaden1976 / Instagram:jaden_76