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  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    People who need the volume on an even number are crazy…it can also be on a multiple of five.

    • 280
    • FAVS
    PoeticDichotomyBredwhStephenBCramer_mSAWQuaintQueerGuyRobbie_CakesSammie1701AlexReekie
    • 117
    • RETWEETS
    BredwhQuaintQueerGuySammie1701JustDrinkItAwayanelizabethkingJust_Oh_SusannaOGSashadezfaithmck
    Coy0teUgly________
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    Tip: When the cop asks you "Do you know how fast you were going?" do NOT respond with "I know, right?!"

    • 200
    • FAVS
    PoeticDichotomyBredwhStephenBCramer_mSAWQuaintQueerGuyRobbie_CakesSammie1701AlexReekie
    • 81
    • RETWEETS
    BredwhQuaintQueerGuySammie1701monibee82starbucks_venusNaked_Supermankathyleecoffeyabhirupa_sarkar
    HeyZeus666JeanM617
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    I wonder how many hipsters realize they're simply dressed as characters from Mister Rogers' Neighborhood.

    • 184
    • FAVS
    Agent_AnimePoeticDichotomyrmecheeyageeemmpeeiGreenMonkBredwhStephenBCramerSammie1701
    • 77
    • RETWEETS
    rmecheeyaThee_lexxBredwhSammie1701FatherWithTwinslegonlegonlegsEric_Bader________MissAnnThropie
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    It's kinda funny how I open a pint of ice cream and don't immediately throw away the lid.

    • 169
    • FAVS
    thegayfarmerguyBredwhStephenBCramer_mSAWQuaintQueerGuySammie1701AlexReekievivalacrap
    • 44
    • RETWEETS
    ElaineEmiliaBredwhQuaintQueerGuyzombieparrotOGSashameemeebee_CherriAnn_PrefersSleep
    TheAdamTroutman
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    To avoid the last minute rush, I'm getting my holiday weight gain out of the way early.

    • 123
    • FAVS
    thegayfarmerguyBredwhStephenBCramerQuaintQueerGuySammie1701DeLorean4salezombieparrotstigma_phil
    • 40
    • RETWEETS
    Bredwhgcbrownie________OhHellNawCarynmelfunkshunSurgicalSmileWindPushedGrassShaistaJustinIkea_Monkey_89
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    After a few beers, I'm like Oprah with my favorites: "…and you get a star, and you get a star, and you get a star…"

    • 133
    • FAVS
    BredwhStephenBCramerQuaintQueerGuyAlexReekieDeLorean4salezombieparrotKarlTheFagsuits_2_sweats
    • 29
    • RETWEETS
    FatherWithTwinsSuchaNerd87Eric_Bader________ScottwBloomnettie0918JimWithoutPantsfavstar1000favsBradNewsBears
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    Don't you hate it when clothes shrink in the dryer or sometimes just sitting in your closet?

    • 115
    • FAVS
    BredwhStephenBCramerQuaintQueerGuySammie1701vivalacrapzombieparrotCompocolypsestigma_phil
    • 43
    • RETWEETS
    BredwhQuaintQueerGuyAmyT0721zombieparrotWhatElseThereIsbengulateAmbushBuggSelaSmella
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    A sitcom about teen girl aliens called UFOMG.

    • 97
    • FAVS
    lisahupfieldreanndaJustinecpthoughts43mytextlifeGingerSnaappedTweesTweetsTonyBrujaboythegayfarmerguy
    • 40
    • RETWEETS
    CoolG_cpthoughts43GingerSnaappedjunipcrTweesTweetsthegayfarmerguyBredwhQuaintQueerGuy
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    (Did I mention I've been running? I'm a runner now, so I have to work it into every conversation…)

    • 95
    • FAVS
    HeidiGolightlyBredwhStephenBCramerQuaintQueerGuyAlexReekiezombieparrotJust_Oh_SusannaThe_Dorkster
    • 23
    • RETWEETS
    BredwhEric_Bader________jazbeebzJimWithoutPantsTheBenHoylejunejuly12lancesollerleskessler_
    cdubbub__________
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    Damn you, typos! Damn you to help!

    • 81
    • FAVS
    BredwhStephenBCramercheprinhomovexedusQuaintQueerGuySammie1701zombieparrotstigma_phil
    • 20
    • RETWEETS
    BredwhhomovexedusQuaintQueerGuyOGSashameemeebeeSuchaNerd87MeanMijerEric_Bader________
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    "Mama said check you out!"
    - me at the library getting a book recommended by my mother

    • 71
    • FAVS
    BredwhStephenBCramerzombieparrotstigma_philJust_Oh_SusannameemeebeeBobDonnelly6_CherriAnn_
    • 27
    • RETWEETS
    BredwhBobDonnelly6_CherriAnn_LanaAllende______RocketRankoonsarayikesJohnLyonTweetsMelloPsycho
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    Successfully avoided the Freshman 15 only to succumb to the Thirties 30.

    • 75
    • FAVS
    thegayfarmerguyBredwhStephenBCramerSammie1701WalterLacyvivalacrapzombieparrotJust_Oh_Susanna
    • 16
    • RETWEETS
    Bredwhlovemydogduckzombieparrotrose0justiceolsonovicFGsPlayThingEric_Bader________HG_XXX_Kitchen
    josephthomasPartySlice
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    When I see a hot guy on the dust jacket of a religious book, all I can think is, "Aww, that's a shame…"

    • 58
    • FAVS
    reanndaJustineAgayperspectivelh_baldwinAtlasSaundersthegayfarmerguyBredwhStephenBCramerzombieparrot
    • 18
    • RETWEETS
    lh_baldwinthegayfarmerguyStr8GuyGayQuoteFavstar500FavsEric_Bader________TheAdamTroutmanJessikaJordanKizerBillhelm
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    Ugh! My food is always so cold by the time I'm done instagramming it!

    • 53
    • FAVS
    thegayfarmerguyBredwhStephenBCramerolievlvivalacrapSarahFemmeThFireStarterNotReallyLiby
    • 19
    • RETWEETS
    BredwhNotReallyLibyR2_F2Zora_d_1991mahatmatweeterCazyrocksMrNormal0675__BusterGrabb
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    Even my imaginary friends are huge dorks.

    • 61
    • FAVS
    thegayfarmerguyStephenBCramerzombieparrotStanceofDogsbarracuda330SuchaNerd87Eric_Bader________kellybdoll
    • 10
    • RETWEETS
    barracuda330Eric_Bader________RocketRankoonFavstar500Favsmandystick71XavierShame____CharlieeAnn03SoFuckingMature__
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    I wish I were rich enough to own Apple products. Or be Republican. Or buy groceries.

    • 55
    • FAVS
    thegayfarmerguyBredwhStephenBCramerTheKidEllislovemydogduckDeLorean4salezombieparrotjazbeebz
    • 15
    • RETWEETS
    BredwhPeanut_WyolovemydogduckRocketRankoonTateRyannBourbonMommyBradNewsBearsKizerBillhelm
    warhorse76
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    Sorry, that Calvin Klein commercial came on... What were you saying?

    • 46
    • FAVS
    BredwhStephenBCramerzombieparrot_CherriAnn_RocketRankoonjonesinationTheBenHoyleYesThatAmy
    • 19
    • RETWEETS
    Afrah_LeeJustaclustermandystick71SalehYKhalilLabarski__________Mo0nEyeHoiisars__________jjdoherty80
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    You can really taste the 'z' in this can of spray cheeze...

    • 46
    • FAVS
    thegayfarmerguyBredwhStephenBCramerzombieparrotRocketRankoonSultani_Sailsmermaid_queefshanchel4
    • 16
    • RETWEETS
    RocketRankoonjonesinationMrJack5150BizzyFubblesurgeekisshowingthenoahkinseyconcretesledge_jsmlynch__________
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    When the news interviews lottery winners & asks how they'll spend the money, just once I want to hear them say, "I'm going to the dentist!"

    • 47
    • FAVS
    leez_ratBredwhStephenBCramerzombieparrotcanadianatlargeRocketRankoonJohnLyonTweetsTateRyann
    • 15
    • RETWEETS
    BredwhTheBenHoyleBitchyMomProbzTwinTwistedretardedjanitorlovemydogduckKellyCollettethemacmind
  • Jaden76
      Jake @Jaden76

    The guy who brought this hashtag back.

    #topahole

    • 34
    • FAVS
    BredwhStephenBCramerzombieparrotshashaintlRocketRankoonJohnLyonTweetsTateRyannTheBenHoyle
    • 20
    • RETWEETS
    BredwhBlueMewMewSkullcatcaseytduncanpaythelady_1B__lockDoomHoofGarryDaoust
@Jaden76

@Jaden76

Took a month off; now I've lost interest. Enjoy these retweets instead. kik:Jaden1976 / Instagram:jaden_76