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Ice cream sandwich for dinner. SANDWICH.
Just found myself cleaning a heat vent with a Q-tip, so yeah, I'd say the drugs are working!
Seeing ex-boyfriends go bald or get fat is great because HAHA
It's really nice that the word "meth" is an acceptable word in Words With Friends.
What kind of booze should I bring to a 3 year old's birthday party?
"It's 47° outside. Let's eat ice cream in our shorts!!!!" -everyone in Milwaukee
Stare deep into your dog's eyes and lip synch your favorite TLC song to her.
I hate to see people running. I'm like, are you okay? are you in danger? are you going to rob me?
I wish I had a cousin named Diamond. Maybe someday I will.
They should sell "I went to the State Fair and all I got is poop on my shoe" t-shirts.
If Redbull gives me wings, I'd like to order a side of celery and ranch with that.
Bed, Bath and Beyonce
Getting up early to drive someone to the airport is fun because I'm lying.
Vodka is really just another name for potato juice.
Is it actually possible to give a cat his medication without the human ending up in the ER? Please, tell me more...
Couples who share a Facebook page know it's free, right?
It's not delivery, it's DisGusting.
I'm just a wannabe vegetarian, that's all.
Do people actually read while running ON a treadmill? I don't even read when I'm OFF a treadmill.
"Saying you don't have a cellphone is like saying you don't wear pants"