My idea first! RT @robdelaney Adults should have nap parties. We'd just nap together… maybe finger a little bit, but mostly nap.

If I have a son and he is named Patrick I will wait till he is eleven and make him wear wood chip clothes and tell his friends to hate him.

I love when you can hear obesity in someone's laugh. No I hate it but It's funny as fuck when true.

My grandma is in the hospital and she is still selling pampered chef. Dori you fucking pimp.

walking to class I was talking about the geography bee, and I yelled, "I whip dat ass!" as an old woman was in earshot.

I can't believe that my roommates started season three of Alias without me. Fuck you.

Man if you misinterpret those "let's have angry sex" vibes...you are fucked.

@jimipaige confirmed.

@jimipaige that is what would happen if our families were ever to meet.

Why do I find myself lying to every "adult" I know about how much I party?

For those who know me, you know I'm only hostile when its funny. But I'm about to flip my fucking shit on this ginger bitch.

Guy Fieri was the lead singer of Smash Mouth right?

@jimipaige Alan just gagged...but I would concur.