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  • JakeIstKrieg
      Jake Vogt @JakeIstKrieg

    A college-aged nerd is a small child who by some calamitous accident has been given a sex drive.

    • 5
    • FAVS
    pjlynchdannydogmouthMisterLimbsmattthomashalftruth
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    femmetronicgirladactylMisterLimbsAlxJrvs
  • JakeIstKrieg
      Jake Vogt @JakeIstKrieg

    Every time Sarah Palin calls herself a feminist, a baby becomes ugly.

    • 2
    • FAVS
    pjlynchleannefitzner
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    Clodagh_PowercurrypizzanardavielCgrrrPowgendoposejtabrys
  • JakeIstKrieg
      Jake Vogt @JakeIstKrieg

    Tip to journalists: If your headline contains the words "American Idol," please don't, please just stop

    • 1
    • FAV
    TheRonyn
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    orion_neosOAFEJordamus_Primerac2750TheRonyn
  • JakeIstKrieg
      Jake Vogt @JakeIstKrieg

    My 14yo sister and 5,000 friends are watching a reality show about conjoined twins. Overheard: "Do they, like, feel each other's boobs?"

    • 4
    • FAVS
    suckyperson666leannefitznermyownlostriballie_jv
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    allie_jv
  • JakeIstKrieg
      Jake Vogt @JakeIstKrieg

    Mitt Romney's basically touring the world leaving YouTube comments on countries.

    • 3
    • FAVS
    cassandraintroyrobkroesek8dj______________
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    lirienk8dj______________
  • JakeIstKrieg
      Jake Vogt @JakeIstKrieg

    Oh, fuck, I slept through my alarm! As an unemployed person with no local social life I will suffer vague and intangible consequences!

    • 3
    • FAVS
    suckyperson666AmandaPlutomyownlostrib
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    She_Dorkjtabrys
  • JakeIstKrieg
      Jake Vogt @JakeIstKrieg

    It's bullshit that you can't get pizza without giving them money for it, I have a right to eat pizza dude

    • 1
    • FAV
    imdreaming7__
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    AmandaPlutomdoran17imdreaming7__jtabrys
  • JakeIstKrieg
      Jake Vogt @JakeIstKrieg

    Nothing could be less relevant to the story of a man murdering a child than that child's high school attendance records. For Christ's sake.

    • 1
    • FAV
    Hanksingle
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    comptlySashaJessicastevesues
  • JakeIstKrieg
      Jake Vogt @JakeIstKrieg

    I wonder how many punk and grindcore bands named Transvaginal Ultrasound have formed and disbanded in the past three weeks.

    • 2
    • FAVS
    Geoffivisonsuckyperson666
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    passtheczburgersuckyperson666
  • JakeIstKrieg
      Jake Vogt @JakeIstKrieg

    While #ReplaceAMovieTitleWithPenis is trending, four individual jokes from that hashtag trend on their own. The cosmic ballet goes on.

    • 3
    • FAVS
    chloemojedaBoringDrewsuckyperson666
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    BoringDrew
  • JakeIstKrieg
      Jake Vogt @JakeIstKrieg

    If you're near me and have whiskey I'll grant you 3 wishes. Caveat: must be things that can be done by a guy who just drank all your whiskey

    • 2
    • FAVS
    suckyperson666k8dj______________
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    BoringDrewbrisketfactory____
  • JakeIstKrieg
      Jake Vogt @JakeIstKrieg

    Whoever came up with beer pretty much knocked that one out of the park.

    • 2
    • FAVS
    ErikLAOlsenmdoran17
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    mdoran17brisketfactory____
  • JakeIstKrieg
      Jake Vogt @JakeIstKrieg

    Whenever something an athlete does is called "unprofessional" I think "You know what's unprofessional? Playing baseball at work."

    • 3
    • FAVS
    owlsbuttleyleannefitznerhalftruth
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    halftruth
  • JakeIstKrieg
      Jake Vogt @JakeIstKrieg

    Important Question: how does superman shave

    • 1
    • FAV
    ErikLAOlsen
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    LigaStedastevesues
  • JakeIstKrieg
      Jake Vogt @JakeIstKrieg

    A fine British gentleman I follow who tweets about politics just mentioned a real person known as Lord Steel. There's no fighting it: UK>US.

    • 1
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    Zadok_
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    jpshaddockZadok_
  • JakeIstKrieg
      Jake Vogt @JakeIstKrieg

    Today's the day I don't go back to Hampshire, which seems like a good time to take stock of my--nope, bad idea, watchin' cartoons

    • 3
    • FAVS
    cassandraintroysuckyperson666HypocriteReader
  • JakeIstKrieg
      Jake Vogt @JakeIstKrieg

    Shining's cover of 21st Century Schizoid Man is the sound of a mind imploding. Check out the version on Live Blackjazz.

    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    hollah_dollahseanbeavanSHININGofficial
  • JakeIstKrieg
      Jake Vogt @JakeIstKrieg

    Smokers: next time you're smoking and someone points out that it's bad for you, pretend you didn't know that and start acting all horrified.

    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    KamoneFromPlutoIanKhadancassandraintroy
  • JakeIstKrieg
      Jake Vogt @JakeIstKrieg

    "I tried to touch her face, but she had a boyfriend." - my brother

    • 3
    • FAVS
    mdoran17leannefitznerallie_jv
  • JakeIstKrieg
      Jake Vogt @JakeIstKrieg

    "The fact that you're alive is amazing. So you don't get to be bored."

    • 3
    • FAVS
    leannefitznermyownlostribowlsbuttley
@JakeIstKrieg

@JakeIstKrieg

Creator of AMC's Breaking Bad

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