Follow @drunk_siri @drunkshakespear @brittanynpurvis @amyfarts @richkennedy_ @chris_mcv @mitchhedberg1

Megan Fox farts and shits.

. @oprah I need a car, but I'm short on cash. #help

. @mariahcarey when r u gonna leave Nick Cannon for me?

Using Craig's List is like reading graffiti on a restroom stall. Then the graffiti artist kills you.

. @mileycyrus congrats on winning the nobel prize in pooping really quietly

#FF @louisck @chris_mcv @skeyoh @ugl_why @kinghalloween @richkennedy_ @jimgaffigan

Follow @cl_personals @poop_boob @cassidyhenehan @missunsoladvice @mitchhedberg1 @alienguyparody @drunk_siri @tokenjay

| @justinbeiber | http://t.co/WAtjjrVe

Be sure to follow @cassidyhenehan @chris_mcv @cl_personals @kinghalloween @skeyoh and @tokenjay ASAP.

FOLLOW @cl_personals PLEASE!

Elephant mucus. RT @mcdonalds Fill in the blank. My favorite sauce is _______. (Hint: you can't be wrong.)

RT @skeyoh: "unicorn-on-the-cob."

INsider: Archivist Robin Perkins - http://t.co/sKFulv3v

I wonder if Storm ever feels under the weather. #XMen

#FF @ugl_why @skeyoh @speakezcomedy @kinghalloween @mercermorrison @mannmath @tokenjay

FOLLOW @antijokecat @tweetpsalms @trivia_fun @skeyoh @stknshake @mitchhedberg1 @shanecomedy

#FF @drunkshakespear @owlgiveahoot @mfjules @scotlandgreen @mittberrycrunch @phunfacts @brittanynpurvis @chris_mcv

A Sprite can. RT @cokezero: "What is most unusual thing you have drank Coke Zero out of?"

#ff @scotlandgreen @saraharveynyc @phunfacts @drunkshakespeare @alienguyparody