All of my Facebook friends are stiff prudes. Maybe I'll write, "Had a good time at your swingers party last night!" on their walls.

If that twisted, sick son of a bitch Jerry Sandusky gets away with what he did I'm fucking moving to Canada.

Christmas commercials before Thanksgiving is fucking bullshit

I just saw the X rated version of the Tori Spelling tit tweet pic. It feels like someone splashed acid in my face.

License, registration, & immigration papers please and thank you, muchacho.

Some days it's just too much for me to think of funny comebacks and sarcastic one-liners, so I just call everyone a fuckface and giggle.

Fuck you, Twitter whale, and your fat ass being carried by a bunch of gay ass birds! I hate your face.

Gloria Allred eats the souls of black folk and roars an evil laugh at crying babies

Michael Jackson, you're dead, but you haunt my TV daily. Well played. Now kill me too because I can't take this shit.

Pontoon boats are for old, worn out pussies. Both sexes.

I like to dance under the quarter moon with tassels on my tits and crunchy leaves in my hair

Pardon me for gazing down at your gag inducing, jello mold bouncing fat roll underneath your 3 sizes too small shirt from the GAP