Pirates at .500 ball. Bandwagon is up on blocks, the oxen have died, @woy has cholera & I lost most of my passengers trying to ford the Mon.

Yo, bridge-danglers, I'm real happy for you and I'ma let you finish, but Kanye West is the biggest douchebag attention whore of all time.

@woycheck Let me help you: #chippedchopham #yinzers #jagoffs #learntofuckingmerge #steelers #penguins #traffic #potholes #SNOW!

I solved the Instagram problem. I'm just going to include my middle finger in every shot I post. HAVE FUN SELLING THAT, FACEBOOK.

I love my Brad and Angie. I do. But my gosh, they do a lot of hookers and blow.

People that posttttt facebook messages like thisssssss drive me crazyyyyyy. tH3se k1nddd m@ke me thR0@t-puNChyyyyy.

Eight miles from here, there is an overturned truck that spilled 40,000 pounds of candy onto the Turnpike. You know where to find me.

The Boston Globe's pictures of the year. Number 39 will break your heart. http://bit.ly/5je7CJ

Mister Rogers died ten years ago today. Go be a good neighbor in his honor. That is to say, DON'T BE JAGOFFS. #wwmrd

People who can fold fitted sheets are clearly sorcerers.

. @burghbaby is trying to help @haitianfam1st with their baby formula needs, which are urgent. A little help, Burghers? http://t.co/1tvHifcK

We're all laughing about the pig on the Parkway, but in Fayette County there are countless people going, "Shit. Go check the pig's room."

Bill Belichick is morphing into Emperor Palpatine right before my eyes. #hoodieofdoom

Holy shit. RT this. RT @thebloggess Because you can't treat customers like shit and think you'll get away with it: http://t.co/U6q1VyoL

If one more person comments that I don't really know what I would do if I stumbled upon a child being raped -- I KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO. #PSU

I hope tonight on the local news we see this man on the street interview: Reporter: "Did you have any damage?" Yinzer: "Yeah. IN MY PANTS."

If I write a book, I shall call it "If stabbing pigeons is wrong, I bet it's really wrong when I light them on fire." #PETA

Light of Life Homeless Mission on the N Side is in dire need of forks (no plastic). Old, mismatched is fine. Scrounge some up! Drop em off!

Pastor today: "What one thing are you most afraid of in this life?" Voice from the crowd: "Justin Bieber!" Laughed so hard I cried.

Sign on local business: "November 6, 2012. Obama wins. America losses." I think grammar "losses."