"This is how the world works." People in their 20's.

This is so funny RT.“@celiadrake: Shit girls say (@shitgirlssay) http://t.co/UkyHD6w1”

Just downloaded Paris Hilton's new single and my computer got herpes.

My rap name is "CVS Rewards."

LAPD met with LL Cool J to let him know he's not a suspect, then shot him just to be safe.

If you're over 55 and your kid is home for the holidays, get your shit together and know your wifi password.

Every time I see Taylor Swift onstage I pray that Kanye will walk on and ruin it.

"And then what happened in your dream?!" - No One Ever

Guy Who Didn't Care For His Kid's Play  https://vine.co/v/bEbM0ZbaTwq 

RT if you've destroyed all your real relationships and now this is all you have.

Soda Dad Talks About His Son Mark  https://vine.co/v/bFDd6xtdjB3 

Gary Busey wrote Jodie Foster's speech.

When I wear a t-shirt in a swimming pool, I'm letting the world know I've put cheeseburgers before everything else.

Every Sunday night, Mumford and Sons, The Lumineers & The Avett Brothers get in their long johns, drink chicory & take shits in the woods.

Tough being gay as a kid, but what about the kids that were straight but total pussies. No parades for me, that's all I'm saying.

People ask me what the key is to a great marriage and it's very simple: One person eats shit and the other person soars like a bird.

Tapas Waiter #2  https://vine.co/v/bFwHVx1KzP0 

My friend's e-cigarette makes him look like a magician in 4th grade.

Almost got run over by a Prius because the engine is so quiet, but luckily the driver was yelling "I'm better than you!"

Girls are so lucky they can cry whenever they want. A guy's gotta wait until somebody dies or until it's time to take a shower.