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Bon Jovi just spent 4 minutes telling me that it's his Life. Okay Mister Greedy, I won't touch your cereal. It's not THAT great anyway.
Why aren't rounds of vodka called Tater Shots? I'll let you think that one over.
"These boots are made for walking." But I need snow boots. "Oh, try these then." Nancy Sinatra in the shoe department.
If I were Jeremy Irons, I'd be looking for a better present tense action verb for a last name. Like Makesmoney or Takescareofshit.
You want to go to Georgia? The earliest train leaves at midnight....and a hit song was born.
Has anyone alerted the Catholic church that the devil's in the details? Maybe set up an exorcism or something?
Remember when karaoke was the cool thing to do? Now we're on to tying up tourists and taunting them with broccoli. Ha! Fun times. Fun times.
Is it okay to get back to normal, or do I still need to avoid the Noid?
How much is that doggy in the window? Which one? The one with the waggly tail? Oh that one, $950. Oh, fuck that. #modernfolksongs
Who put the ram in the ram a lam a ding dong, you ask? Why, it was Charles Danforth Wellington III, that good for nothing prick.
Next time you're in Missouri, look me up. You won't find me. I'm not in Missouri. But try it. #wastedtweet
Why is Autism Awareness represented by a puzzle piece? And what does the picture look like when the pieces are put together?
Since Starbucks won't bend on what they call their sizes, I'm going to order in metric distance. I need a kilometer of mocha next time.
I'd like to think that all kids in Mexico live exciting, complicated lives...like Dora.
I'm not really one for witty banter. I'm more for sarcastic quips. And bad tweets. I'm pretty good at bad tweets.
Scooby-Doo didn't have a laugh track. It was animated in front of a very patient and forgiving studio audience.
Inventor of nothing. Took down a small town with a salad shooter. Firm believer in naptime.
