Twitter feels a lot like Group Therapy...only everyone is talking at once and no one wants to be cured.

If there was a way to read a woman's mind...I'm still not sure I'd want too...I hate shoes, shopping, gossip & I already know I'm annoying.

Twitter ~ Where Ironically Introverts become Extroverts at home on their Computer and Extroverts become Introverts in public on their Phone!

Twitter ~ Where some of the smartest people in the World get together to say some seriously stupid shit and then laugh about it all day long

I'm never more amazed at the fact I'm still alive than when I look up from my phone & I've driven to my destination w/ no recollection of it

If you don't suck it up and swallow your pride when your girl wants to dance...Don't expect her to suck it up and swallow your pride later.

1 out of 5 people suffer from loneliness..So If you look around and you don't see the other four people, they're out having fun without you!

A co-worker just got fired for going on to FaceBook and posting rants about the Boss and Company...Idiot! That's what Twitter is for!

This Twitter addiction is getting bad..I don't even try to turn right on red anymore.

The Greatest feeling you can get from Twitter is finding a relatively new Tweeter w/talent...Give them a helping hand and watch them succeed

Holding out for the Perfect person to touch your life will likely leave you having to touch yourself.

People with guns & religion as their 2 main interests make me nervous...When god fucks them over they usually take it out on the rest of us.

This Microwave dinner tastes a lot like I forgot to get married to a great girl who loves to cook great food and gives a mean blowjob..Again

I finally starred every Tweet! I lost my job & my car..Haven't showered, slept or eaten in a week but I made it! Fuck me..Who just Tweeted?!

If Black Betty really bammed a lamb in Alabam someone should have notified PETA!

After my date orders, I always tell the waiter "Nothing for me..I'll be eating later" Then wink at my date & raise my eyebrows suggestively!

Surprised there aren't more Female Serial Killers considering even if you said you're gonna fuck us then kill us we'd still go home with you

When people go missing from Twitter the best places to put their info & AVI would definitely be on the back of Bacon packages & Beer bottles

Duck you AutoCorrect! You Blimb! I'm way more BadApps than you make me out to be! You Ducking piece of shed..BuckFace Toothless Bastilleday!

When I see someone in public talking on a bluetooth..I like to position myself on the other side, lean in & whisper "It's ok I see them too"