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My son, who is 10, just explained that the things he did when he was 7 no longer reflect the person that he is now.
I need a drink.
"Back that ass up!" --- Amish driving test
If born again people commit suicide, do they break even?
I already tweet like nobody is watching.
I love my son, but his stories are boring.
Abstinence makes the heart pay for sex.
Give a man a fish, he eats today.
Teach a man to fish, he gets drunk in a boat.
I'm not fat. I'm famine proof.
Tyler Perry is directing a horror movie. How's he going to film past the first fifteen minutes when all his characters are dead?
I don't make people "talk to my hand" because of the things my hand knows.
After sex, I like to pinch the person I'm with to make sure that I'm not dreaming.
On a side note; hookers charge extra for pinching.
Now that was an ironic name.
Apparently, I put the 'me' in 'court'.
I sucked a clown's dick once.
It tasted funny.
I still get flashbacks of the insides of my dad's balls.
It's my 'Nam.
Why are you calling us Americans ignorant?
As soon as I find out what that means, I'll probably want to kick your ass.
Keanu Reeves acting skills are worse than Christopher Reeves horse riding skills.
I really badly with the spellings.
I flashed three old ladies in the park.
Two of them has strokes, but the third one played with my balls. I got her number.
I'm writing 'masturbation' autocorrect!! How many other words could it be?!
Dying is not as scary as never having lived. Just one man and his madnesses......