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If those Taliban fighters didn't want to get peed on, they should have moved. Oh they were dead? Who fucking cares then? #TheyAreFarWorse
To get followers: Guys have to be funny, clever, creative, a little out there, be current and random at the same time. Girls, just talk sex
At #timhortons this guy just ordered a large coffee with 5 creams and 10 sugars. Um, WHAT THE FUCK is wrong with you????
Dear Phone, I'm typing 'have,' not 'jabber,' and 'get,' not 'Getty.' So quit fucking me up with these stupid words. Thanks, Me
Him: "How did the Women's Gymnastics team do?"
Me: "They are all crying, so, I can't really tell."
If guys spent more time complimenting their OWN girl, rather than hitting on other women, they'd have better relationships. #TrustMe
I hate folding girl clothes. I turned this shirt inside out 3 times and I think it's still wrong. Can't tell though.
Actual headline this morning on MSN News: "Prostitutes used to help smuggle rhino horns." No comment.
If you're one of those "proud to be a bitch" women, you should also get used up being a "proud to be alone for the rest of my life" one too.
#FF Follow @edhahn20 and @phillechezsteak or they will beat you to death with Twizzlers. It will be a slow, annoying, tasty death.
@lilbyrdy Ever see two guys at the movies, with an empty seat in between them? That's called the "I'm-not-a-homo-seat."
Someone please tell me what's so special about "Instagram?" Last time I checked, those are still just photos you're posting. #bandwagon
@youngmateo gets the trophy for this weekend. Shit, I'll set aside next weekends trophy for him too. #myman #2g2bt
I'm actually looking forward to the long drive to Outer Banks NC because that's 12 & 1/2 hours of uninterrupted time with @barmaidmish
@youngmateo I wish I was the Don of a family too. Right now I have to settle for being the Peter (Griffin) of one.
And yes, I stole that last tweet from a radio station commercial. What's it to ya?
Gentle when stroked, fierce when provoked. Just ask my one and only, @BarMaidMish
