I wouldn't be shocked if banks were closed for Pi day.

Perhaps it's just me. I am getting old. But most toys these days just suck.

Baking the biscuits round duex. No whammy, no whammy, no whammy.

I have a weakness for new t-shirts that smell like new tires.

Every time I hear this printing calculator go off in this office I want to burst out laughing. Because, you know, it isn't 1975.

That moment when you realize the "That moment when..." status updates have stopped.

I wonder if Holland envies that impressive mound of facial hair Motte is rocking.

USAF: a stealth B2 flyover? I needed 56123876283746 F-18's to drown out that performance. #FergieTheNationalAnthemIsNo

@susiegirltellem rolf

11: Dad, do you have to wait a long time to finds the right one?

Me: ...Yes, and she's doing fine.

Burned my toast this morning. I'm so fed up with this year. Ugh...

I intentionally tune to the weather channel around this time so that Leno doesn't get any increase in ratings from me. #teamconan

Tomatoes from the garden do not belong in a salad.

Hope that torch doesn't malfunction again and crush that clown. Then again, it would be one less clown.

Everything I got for my kids...I want too. And I'm soooo playing with this stuff first.

Best Dane Cook joke ever! #bestever

Took the scenic route to my next class to walk in the rain. Note to self: buy some Scotchgard.

Jon Gosselin should write a thank you note to the Heene family for providing a possible escape from the limelight.

Again I say, good game burrito. Very good game.

@biorhythmist [fewer than the number of M&M's in your bg]