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If I have offended you, I apologize. If I have not offended you, please wait your turn.
Sex with me is like an opera. Not really sure what's going on and it ends with a fat chick screaming really loud
At work today, and I'm acting like a lesbian. Ain't doing dick.
I want to get around to the other deadly sins but I seem to be stuck on sloth
My kid lost another tooth. If he loses anymore I'm going to start taking it easy on my backswing
Know what makes a great ankle bracelet? Panties.
I've been sober 200 days. Not in a row, just in general.
It's pretty sad when a spider can make my girlfriend scream louder than I can.
I got banned from church because I brought my own laugh track
There are certain things I don't want to hear during sex. "Honey, I'm home" is right at the top.
I like my women like I like my coffee. Tied up in a burlap sack and brought to me on a donkey by Juan Valdez
I thought my cat looked cooler with his ears folded back so that's how I stapled them
If your presence can't add value to my life your absence will make no difference
What does Snoop Dogg use on his laundry? Bleeeeotch
420. I don't smoke weed. That's my credit score.
My dick's so big, it has it's own dick. And my dick's dick is still bigger than your dick
Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but here's my penis, so blow me, maybe?
Breast implants with squeaky toys inside them - GENIOUS
The bible in 10 seconds - incest, a flood, some rules, jesus comes back as a zombie, and the world ends.
Ladies, if you want to make the golden anniversary, you're gonna have to put anal on the table at some point
United States Army (1994 - 2009), 2 time Person of the Year from Time magazine (2003, 2006) guitarist for the Kansas City Bastards, professional smartass