Madison Bumgardner 12 strikeouts (as of the 7th) and his first career homerun? Easily top ten worthy. #sctop10

@mrsrupertpupkin this is my cat, his name is Elwood! (there should always be cats) http://t.co/KXQ6kFG0

@robdelaney I spent more $ buying meat from the back of a guys truck than on tickets to your show. The worst I can expect is more diarrhea.

@robdelaney in the spirit of awkwardly abandoned twitter accounts, @alextrebek is a gem.

@bethstern Elwood, age 3.5 months http://t.co/BgoXwavY

@iamthe4n1 its OK I got my pooping helmet on and I'm prepared for war. #releasethehounds

@streetcrow that was one of the deepest tweets I've seen!

@danfnwilson preach on Dan-o!

@robdelaney if the Beverly Hills one is the same incident you mentioned in your standup, that was for science and that doesn't count.

If we spent as much time making hash browns as we do making hash tags, Ireland would probably starve again #itsoksomeofmybestfriendsareirish

If you've never funneled a pot of black coffee while sitting on a toilet, how can I really trust your opinion on anything?

@streetcrow oh, oh god, the blood!! ahhhh!!!

Thanks to @streetcrow, I have a pretty good idea what's going on here! http://t.co/oQPYbeLR

@streetcrow caw caw caw, California relative caw caw http://t.co/H6ZiIEPZ

The best and worst tweets are the ones you get to the end of writing and

@liquorface you really out did yourself with that one, nice.

@juliadavidovich marriage material?

@kellyoxford @gerryduggan Rick Santorum's wife - the first person in the world to have an immaculate abortion. #praythebabyaway

@chuckwagon22 its about time women start getting good at sports so they earn that kind of money and we can shack up and be housemen.

@streetcrow @iamenidcoleslaw I had the same reaction.