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once you get over how dumb the show's premise is, The Neighbors is actually pretty good.
how many brownies does the average person eat per day? if the answer is 5, then i'm slightly below average.
Someone tried to be “discreet” by walking up to me and asking if I was 👉👈 or 👉👌
I think I found my catchphrase, based solely on the number of times I say it: "Fixed it!"
Telling Siri to turn of all my alarms is one my favorite things I've told her to do so far. Hashtag xmasvacation
American Horror Story!
I just bought a $9 cookie-themed t-shirt because I like t-shirts, cookies, and spending nine dollars.
A good thing about being lame and staying home tonight is watching a Wizards of Waverly Place marathon featuring David Henrie's bare arms.
Just had a mini freakout like OMGWHERESMYPHONE. Then I realized it's in my pocket, playing music through the headphones I'm wearing.
I forgot my office keycard. But of course I have a backup in my backpack. I like to call it the backuppack.
I should've worn a pink shirt. That way I'd match with the other 80% of the school. Oh you have pink socks?good for you.
I'm a bit of a misanthrope. But I work in Tech Support, so it's okay. Hashtag gay.