I have a ATM receipt from 3:45am for $500. Well I'm sure that was money well spent.

I know we are supposed to cherish every second of life...but I'm jus gonna burn this Thursday to the ground and look forward to the weekend.

pic.twitter.com/h2mWezht

You find it offensive, I find it fuckin hilarious. That's why I'm happier than you.

That awkward moment when the girl dancing in front of you bends over to grind, and you realize nobody else in Starbucks can hear your iPod.

You don't have to die to find peace and harmony and the serenity of afterlife... You just have to abandon the shitty place you grew up in.

If EVE doomed the entire human race for one bite of an apple... What would she do for a Klondike Bar ?

I burst into the club last night with my gun and yelled Who's fucking my girl!? A dudes voice in the back said "Ya ain't got enough bullets"

I don't know is always my favorite answer

Who is this "Moderation" people keep telling me to drink with?

Let's Party pic.twitter.com/tjMnJg18

http://t.co/zyQrNvBD

Thanks man. Everybody follow @fateofmind

The winner for best Mardi Gras costume ever. pic.twitter.com/g7ONsaKW

I swear drunken late night weekend tweets are the absolute best. I literally just parked in the lot after pumping gas just to laugh.

Whatever this was... It did not end well. pic.twitter.com/r4Ae0HIu

Love your life. No matter how bad things may seem, ALWAYS try to find at least one beautiful thing every single day :) pic.twitter.com/CrQVJNhx

http://t.co/laLrZcfB

Adulthood. pic.twitter.com/sKaneWyLi2

pic.twitter.com/s8FxmoE6