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Your true friends are really the ones who will be there for you even during your best times.
No matter how much The Clash and Sex Pistols you load onto your iPhone, when it goes off in public, it will play all the Andrew Lloyd Webber
Probably the part of my workday I am best at is rolling my eyes when people take an elevator up one floor.
FUCK YOU SUNLIGHT I'M NOT CHANGING A GODDAMN THING FOR YOU.
I just discovered Downton Abbey, so, really, that's all I do or am remotely interested in now.
Favoriting tweets seems kind of like secret sex, right? Sure, you'll enjoy it, but you won't let it meet your friends.
I try to dress every day like I might get murdered in these clothes.
If I do not hear from someone for a while, I always think, "Oh, god, they found out."
Feels like the kind of day when you could wear a fur coat. Not because you wouldn't be judged, because paint would freeze before it hit you.
Walking along outside, thinking how glorious New York is in autumn, then a homeless man ran up and asked to smell my hair. EVEN GLORIOUSER.
The Hotel California just seems really mismanaged.
I kind of think the word "loved" shouldn't exist. If you can put it into the past tense, then it really doesn't hold up under scrutiny.
JUST BE NORMAL, HUMAN RACE. JUST BE NORMAL AND LET ME TWEET GATSBY. LIKE NORMAL. PLEASE.
"I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: 'O Lord make my enemies ridiculous.' And God granted it." - Voltaire
I love you like a shark loves blood. Every single one of you.
Look! I wrote you a letter, friend. http://www.thegloss.com/2013/01/07/culture/sadness-i-am-lonely/ …
Thanks to @kevinseccia for inspiration on this (he's had a raw steak hanging from his teeth 70% of times I've seen him) http://www.thegloss.com/2012/12/13/sex-and-dating/beefsteak-dinners/ …