I'm not a star whore, I'm a star slut.

I will star the fuck out of your tweets!

Eating healthy is not cheap, eating cheap is not healthy

quick, how do I make my scrubs slutier?
going to nursing unit with guy that likes me.



Hope to drunk tweet from his bed later ;)

I guess my boobs are big, my 14lbs cat sat down on the "shelf" and he fits?!

now that I'm on @remiel/wants-to-bang list I feel like I need to say something bangable.
I'm sexy,
I'm a nurse,
I gotta go to work now;)

what does it say about me if I wear black to weddings and bright colors to funerals?



it says this black dress is to slutty

I think its so cute how you call my cats your grandkitties.

it shows me how you have given up all hope of me having real kids.

my cat hates when I play scrunchy face surprised face...


with his face

hey does all this infighting around the holidays mean we are family now??

yes your kitty rump is cute...

now get your rump out of my face!

Raw egg whites are disterbingly simmilar to snot

The wind is so cold it gave me an asthma attack.
I coughed so much I threw up.
Related: I'm gonna stay single forever

my plan for thanksgiving, go to work...
we can't send all the patients home from the hospital just cause its a holiday.

tonight at work this 60yr patient said he would marry me if he wasn't already married.

OMG that's the youngest guy ever to say that to me!

nephew had surgery to fix his kidney 2 yrs ago, he has a nice scar.



today I taught him to say he woke up in a bathtub filled with ice...

this is what I get for using a wireless mouse...

I turn my head for 2 seconds to drink some water

and now the mouse is gone.

I put the dyslexia in bulimia tonight...



I vomited before dinner...

after unwrapping xmass tree
Me: this tree needs a good fluffing.
Mom: oh I can do that.
(she wasn't thinking of the porn term, I was)

why am I tweeting about what kind of ice I like? such a lo...
DIAMONDS
I like diamonds thats the kind of ice I like!

Wait am I supposed to say that some of my friends ARE kids? or is that kind of thing only required after a racist tweet?