Nothing says Christmas like raping paper.

Your ex girlfriend? 50 shades of cray.

I'd make a great wrestler because I'm really good at long awkward hugs.

Every now and then everyone gets hit with a little reality.

Lured a squirrel over to me and touched it. I am the squirrel whisperer. pic.twitter.com/vbOEeadP

What would Jesus do? Hmm probably not calculus.

Keep your satanic backwards smiley faces off of my timeline.

1,438,626,827 people followed me and -9,241 people unfollowed me // automatically checked by  http://fllwrs.com 

If it weren't for Instagram I'd probably never know what the sky looked like.

I don't care that Dolores Umbridge isn't real, I honestly hate her.

Oh my god. Remember dial up? REMEMBER WHEN WE COULDN'T BE ON THE INTERNET AND THE PHONE AT THE SAME TIME

Incest, a game the whole family can play.

Plot twist: Lou the Meat Lady actually votes No.

I hate getting the bottom of my pants wet almost as much as I hate terrorists

How does Beyonce get her body to wiggle like that?

First rule of chem lab: if you mess up you have to drink it.

SUPER EXCITED FOR GATSBY

This sorta stuff is happening way too often now it seems.

People shouldn't put all their shit on twitter

Once caught myself wondering what Obama's last name was.