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So sad... RT @nprrussell: Coast Guard photo of the HMS Bounty submerged in the Atlantic Ocean. http://twitpic.com/b8nd39 via @uscg #sandy
The end of the world has been pushed back to 2014 due to budget cutbacks. #ObamasAnnouncement
I'm glad nobody has told politicians we have the ability to instantly fact-check everything they say. And that we will. #MittWeAreWatching
I really hope all of these people raping their Christmas presents learn to spell someday.
Oh no no no. You, sir, do NOT refer to yourself as "one of the little people" if your bonus is more than my annual salary. #nftc #wanker
WANTWANTWANT RT @shadowbottle: Artists depiction of what a real-life Smurf would look like: http://t.co/ctIYkYTM (awesome).
Waves crash. A seagull cries, plaintive and lonely. A dolphin explodes in the distance. #PaintingsOfVladimirPutin
I drank no alcohol yesterday. Today I ended up in the emergency room with severe kidney pain. Lesson: never stop drinking.
Nothing says personalized service from HR like an email that starts out "Dear Last Name, First Name." #nftc
WORKINGFROMHOMEMEANSICANDRINKMORECOFFEEOHMYGODSOMUCHCOFFEETHINKIHAVETOPEEAGAINHEYISTHATACLOUDYOUPEOPLESTOPEMAILINGMEWHYISEVERYTHINGSOSPARKLY
This weekend. Ten empty water bottles. Two cats. One long, empty hallway. One laser pointer. CAT BOWLING.
I believe that we as a species must stop acknowledging emails that do not include punctuation. #nftc
@corksquips "Cork is now live-tweeting a coworker commenting on a co-worker live-tweeting an Easter egg hunt." - Me #nftc
Companies that offer to buy you dinner in trade for slaving your life away for them are evil, cruel, and hey, is that Cashew Chicken? #nftc
When Office Depot starts selling bourbon, I'm going to need to make a lot more trips to buy Post-It notes. #nftc
I'd be more apathetic if I weren't so lethargic.
