Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
The end of the world has been pushed back to 2014 due to budget cutbacks. #ObamasAnnouncement
I really hope all of these people raping their Christmas presents learn to spell someday.
Oh no no no. You, sir, do NOT refer to yourself as "one of the little people" if your bonus is more than my annual salary. #nftc #wanker
HAPPY HOWLER MONKEY DAY EVERYONE!
Waves crash. A seagull cries, plaintive and lonely. A dolphin explodes in the distance. #PaintingsOfVladimirPutin
I drank no alcohol yesterday. Today I ended up in the emergency room with severe kidney pain. Lesson: never stop drinking.
I'm almost out of bourbon again. HOW DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING?
This weekend. Ten empty water bottles. Two cats. One long, empty hallway. One laser pointer. CAT BOWLING.
I believe that we as a species must stop acknowledging emails that do not include punctuation. #nftc
Companies that offer to buy you dinner in trade for slaving your life away for them are evil, cruel, and hey, is that Cashew Chicken? #nftc
When Office Depot starts selling bourbon, I'm going to need to make a lot more trips to buy Post-It notes. #nftc