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I wonder if caterpillars know they're gonna fly some day or they just start building a cocoon and are like 'why am I doing this'.
The most romantic thing I've ever seen is Alec Baldwin giving Geena Davis her jawbone back after the rapid aging scene in Beetlejuice.
what's obama's last name again I always forget
I wish the air was full of food like an aquarium.
I wear my 'Juicy' sweatpants backwards.
Until you wake up to a young child's silhouette blankly staring at you in the darkness, you know nothing of fear.
I know political tweets are annoying but so is raising a rape baby.
*reads Instagram rules* *shrugs it off and continues living* *opens a magazine* *sees own pic in every diet ad's 'before' photo*
Birth control pills are like cute little advent calendars for a really shitty holiday.
is german roulette where you shoot everyone else
Please be sure to let me know if the way I live my life is in total accordance with your beliefs.
My 12yo old was winning Monopoly so I shook the board, told him to wait for FEMA's help, then took all his railroads under Eminent Domain.
take the advertising industry down in one easy step by liking yourself
I wish Monsanto was cast as Batman so your rage would mean something.
No matter your beliefs, if you vote to deny freedom to anyone, you are creating a system that will take yours and your children's someday.
Maybe stop asking 20yo beauty queens how to solve problems the government hasn't even been able to figure out in 200 years?
should I get a nose ring? and by nose ring I mean abortion
So, 'lovely lady lumps' doesn't mean cellulite? Confused and embarrassed.
life has never handed me any lemons I had to go out and forage for my own like some kind of cave person
make sure you guys capitalize Brown ok?
I gave myself a prison tattoo in a teen help facility when I was 14. It was of a happy face. Then I met you.