Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
My house looks like I'm losing a game of Jumanji.
I just asked my 8yo to quit yelling and he said, "I'm NOT yelling. This is my voice and all my life I've been whispering. Now I'm free!"
"Mommy, I don't wanna grow up and die!"
"Oh. Well, you can die at any age, really."
Birth control pills are like cute little advent calendars for a really shitty holiday.
take the advertising industry down in one easy step by liking yourself
"When you fall in love it burns and you die, right?"
Yes, son. Love is terrible.
"No Mom, I said LAVA."
Oh. You maybe can survive that one.
*has an epiphany* ohhhh resting bitch face means a woman so deep in thought she forgot to be self-conscious of her looks for a minute
No, no, honey, I said let's have 'ANNUAL sex'.
it's not a midlife crisis it's my halftime show
I wish the air was full of food like an aquarium.
When you laugh at a hateful joke, are you laughing at the perpetrator or the victim? That's a good place to start figuring yourself out.
Whatever horrific pain you had to suffer to develop that wonderful sense of humor was totally worth it for me.
The most romantic thing I've ever seen is Alec Baldwin giving Geena Davis her jawbone back after the rapid aging scene in Beetlejuice.
what's obama's last name again I always forget
Until you wake up to a young child's silhouette blankly staring at you in the darkness, you know nothing of fear.
wait until those boys saying makeup is the highest form of deceit find out we've been pretending to value their opinions all these years
I gave myself a prison tattoo in a teen help facility when I was 14. It was of a happy face. Then I met you.
Like @JennyPentland’s tweets? Send them a Favstar Pro Membership to show you care.Gift them Pro!