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I've been taking these 'meal supplements' as an appetite suppressant, but at second glance, they're definitely hamburgers.
Does this birthday suit make me look fat?
The boys questioned the string between my legs as I got dressed today. Told them all women have it & we explode when it's pulled.
Having HOT passionate sex on the beach with the one you love, then realizing you're by yourself, sitting on the bus, masturbating. That
"Those pants make your ass look HUGE; you should take them off." Didn't work nearly as well as I had hoped.
The biggest difference between dogs and goldfish as household pets, is the relative difficulty in flushing them when they die.
Doing ONE good thing for someone DOESN'T make up for being a soul sucking turd bucket. Just saying...
Fucking internal strife.
Attn parents of the kid whose party me n my bud and his kid are at. Your toilet is clogged...your,welcome.
Ok just did my Keigles an flossed . Im ready !
Aren't all babies crack babies?
It's hard to say, "Planned Parenthood has been so important to me over the years," without sounding like a total whore.
"Kiss my hairy taint" is the new "I love you."
I think I got the female version of iTunes. It takes forever to do anything & it's moody as fuck.
You know you are married when your wife squeezes her boobs together, your first thought is, "I bet she's hiding a chicken wing!"
One of these days, my wife is going to realize that I'm not Batman and that the 'Batcave' is really just a shed out back where I watch porn.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.
My most recent correspondence with a Lawyer included calling his client a “fucktard”. Admit that into evidence jackass.
As embryos, the first thing that develops is our anus. In other words, we all start off as assholes. And some of us choose not to change.
I'M A GINGER AND I'M IRISH, WOULD IT BE CLISHE TO SAY FUCK ME?