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In #writerhell, there is only decaf coffee.
If Obama responds to Reddit AMA questions with puns and gifs I will JUST DIE.
Obama controls the weather AND has the power to destroy Reddit? Obama's got cheat codes! HAX. OBAMA HAX.
You know what I hate? When I buy a hamster from the pet store and it grows up, steals my Kia Soul, and starts a rap career.
My phone corrects "demonic" to "feminine." Coincidence?
I'm ready to rage-quit this summer cold. CTRL ALT DEL. CTRL ALT DEL.
Twitter, GROUP HUG. We all need it.
The tot just woke up from a deep sleep to dance. Who *is* this kid? Forsaking sleep to dance? I smell a new Disney movie.
I am altering the pants. Pray I don't alter it any further. #replaceawordinastarwarslinewithpants
No pony? Times have changed. RT @screwydecimal Oh, I love this. "My Kid's Insane Christmas Wish List, Annotated" http://deadspin.com/my-kids-insane-christmas-wish-list-annotated-1476311653 …
I'm a writer; I get paid to make up elaborate stories. Wait, I don't get paid. I just make up stories. Translation: I'm a broke liar.