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a Jeff Dunham comedy special is on. I'd rather stick needles in my eyes for an hour
If Tinder has taught me anything, it's that any girl named Chandler is automatically hot
Newicks is not where you pick up girls
I wasn't quite sure if this girl at the pool was too young for me. Then she put on a Minnie Mouse backpack.
3 straight days of rain? The fuck is this???
A black guy just asked me if I had "seen his lil nigga" in case anyone thought they had the most uncomfortable situation of all time today
Man if I wasn't so tough I'd probably tweet about how much I miss my parents right now
Even after hearing my friends are safe it's hard to fight the tears in my eyes. I love you Boston friends. You're all in my thoughts
I'd rather watch middle school girls soccer than professional MMA
'Jeff Coburn: King of Doing Sex' written by Katy Perry, illustrated by Jeff Coburn
I just saw an Asian dude in an all out sprint with his hands down at his sides. I'm not sure today can improve from there
Hmmm just got caught inspecting a pair of passing breasts
How do womens Xgames scoring work? Whoever came closest to landing their trick?
Gotta wonder if anyone saw a picture of Te'o's girlfriend and went "whoa. That girl is unreal"
Keep your gun control opinions to a blog that no one will ever read
list of things Nicki Minaj probably can't do: 1.) drive 2.) cook 3.) tell jokes 4.) read 5.) feel emotion