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Elevator unselect buttons, am I right??
One "bless you" per SET of sneezes.
Worse than not knowing "your/you're" is being proud of knowing "your/you're."
It makes me sad that John Adams isn't around to see all this 4th of July nail art.
A good first date is when you share 8 or more "Right?!?"s.
When I open a hotel, you won't have to rearrange all the furniture and dismantle the lamps to charge your phone.
Andre Agassi was the bad boy of tennis because he wore a bunch of magenta.
"Weird, I remembered it being way funnier. -- the aftermath of showing coworkers any youtube video
I may not have a Valentine, but I still have my tiny pumpkin from Halloween.
I hope the anticipation of having a kid matches how I feel when the beverage cart gets close to my airplane row.
If you don't know what's going on in the writers room, just say, "I think we can get to that faster."
I don't buy that all these "best-selling authors" wrote best-selling books.
girls : mean guys :: guys : crazy girls
"I like him. He's really dramatic on Twitter." -- TV drama considering a writer
Writer for The Mindy Project on FOX; previously Head Monologue Writer, Late Night with Jimmy Fallon on NBC. I also like animals a lot. Instagram: jeremybronson