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Elevator unselect buttons, am I right??
It makes me sad that John Adams isn't around to see all this 4th of July nail art.
Andre Agassi was the bad boy of tennis because he wore a bunch of magenta.
"Weird, I remembered it being way funnier. -- the aftermath of showing coworkers any youtube video
I hope the anticipation of having a kid matches how I feel when the beverage cart gets close to my airplane row.
girls : mean guys :: guys : crazy girls
"I like him. He's really dramatic on Twitter." -- TV drama considering a writer
So if I post a photo to facebook, twitter, & instagram, do I get to add up all the likes/faves? Just want to keep score fairly.
Not even James Franco could pull off transitions lenses.
No matter what you do in life, there will never be higher stakes than getting out the high school newspaper by deadline.
Do something annoying so I can stop having a crush on you.
True friendship is telling someone their iPhone is accidentally revealing when they've read texts.
Only TV characters are named Sloan.
In case you think I don't know struggle, I just drank this whole Diet Coke through a cracked straw.
Idea for malls: All the restaurants at the food court collaborate for a meal called "the sampler"
Writer for The Mindy Project on FOX; previously Head Monologue Writer, Late Night with Jimmy Fallon on NBC. I also like animals a lot. Instagram: jeremybronson