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The New England Journal of Medicine recently reported that the average human heart is "all slimy" and "kinda looks like a tomato"
There's a thin line between Prince's upper lip and his nose.
Panic! At The Winter Of Our Discontent
Don't judge me until you've walked a mile in my shoes. Ok, now jog around the block in my pants. Good job. Ok, now give me all of your money
In the song "Somebody To Love" by Jefferson Airplane the phrase "somebody to love" is mentioned like a whole bunch of times.
Women: Can't live with 'em, can't sing Living On A Prayer without sounding like one of 'em.
You can bet your ass that they'll accept some pretty unorthodox things as collateral at a Russian card game.
How do you people notice when a sock is missing from your laundry? I don't even notice when a sock is missing from my feet.
I'm sorry that I played your Aunt Linda's leg like an electric guitar after she passed out in the backseat of my Camaro.
Hi, I'm Lou Bega's Mambo No. 5. You might be having fun this summer, but remember, there's nothing "having fun" about Lou Bega's Mambo No. 5
Basic physics dictates that a toddler wearing a tuxedo is a tiny James Bond, unless you tie his shoelaces together and make him a penguin.
I went to a surprise birthday party for a stripper the other day and a fully-clothed college professor jumped out of a giant book.
Woke up with a horse's head in my bed. And a horse's body. And a saddle. And some hay. I guess what I'm saying is that I fucking love horses
Just confused the Mayans with the Wayans again, but to be fair I do have both of their calendars hanging in my locker at the gym.
*slowly emerges from behind a waterfall*
"Actually, a peanut is a legume."
All I wanna do is (baby crying in the distance, wolf howling, dial-up modem connecting) and a (old-timey car horn) take all your money.
"Now I'm just somebody that just scored a goal." -Goetze
I'm not crying, I just have Slash's guitar solo from November Rain stuck in my eye.
If you took your large intestine out of your body and stretched it out in a straight line you would have a very hard time digesting food.
I bet that Tom Hanks played volleyball with that volleyball.