Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
I dont believe in conspiracy theories, like the one about bands in the 90s having sex with each other. There's just no way that Bush did 311
I can't wait until Earth Day is over so I can finally go back to worshipping the almighty sun.
If there's a sock tied to my doorknob it means I'm in my room doing that dance move where u hold onto one of your feet and then jump thru it
I have to go shopping for a new denim jacket because my old one finally hit puberty and turned into a guitar solo.
If there's one thing that I can't stand it's a table that only has 3 legs.
The four dentists pounce on the fifth one, their gleaming white teeth tearing through flesh as the toothpaste executives look away in shame.
I automatically assume that every older woman with short, spiky blonde hair is a sexy cyborg sent here from the future to assassinate me.
There's literally no way of knowing how many jokes about chameleons are on the internet right now.
The night was dark, like Sting's v-neck. It stretched out before him like a v-neck on Sting. His patience was wearing thin, like a v-neck on
I stumble out into the night cackling, a wild grin stretched across my face, my head still woozy from remembering that Slim Jims still exist
Sorry I kept referring to your baby as Professor X despite your desperate pleas for me to stop.
Can't leave naps alone, the game needs me.
"This relationship is like IKEA furniture!" I scream, as I enter the bank in a ski mask.
I hate it when I accidentally spill baby oil all over my chest right when someone is taking a black and white picture of me on the beach.
There's a party in my pants and my asshole just went to go get his acoustic guitar.
If any of you guys have any questions that you want to ask me in the next hour just @ them to me so I can fav them and not reply.
Let's turn this hearse into a home.
The police said they have no clue who broke into my house and left a telescope by the window but that they'd look into it for me.
There's nothing better than finding an unexpected 20 dollar bill crumpled up in the pocket of a kangaroo that you haven't ridden in a while.
The penguin is mightier than the swordfish