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That? Oh, that's just a picture of me and my grandfather. He was killed by a shark last year while having sex with my grandmother.
*walks out of the bathroom you've been waiting to use*
Actually, frisbee is a brand name, they're called flying disks.
Don't Tell Mom That Punk Rock's Dead
Your password must contain all the words that you wanted to say to her but never had the courage to speak.
"Mentos was once known as the freshmaker" I tell my son. A bomb explodes. Shots fired. We duck into an alley just as a Mentos truck rolls by
American Horror Story: Half Price Appetizers at Applebee's
"Iggy Azalea? More like Iggy Will Scare Ya!"
*I go to high five Snoop Dogg and his security tackles me*
There's a thin line between a thick line and a medium line. They're separating us by weight. I just want my free ham sandwich, this is nuts.
Holden Caulfield's feelings
The humpback whale is commonly referred to as the Wednesday of the sea.
My porn name is Sea Monkeys Rural Route 435.
I can't talk right now, my friends and I are trying to figure out what horrible band to go as for Halloween and I don't want to be Disturbed
Pretty funny how we park in a driveway but cry in a shower before going to work every morning.
I keep a tire iron in my car so I can pretend like I'm steering a pirate ship while I wait for a tow truck.
I love the beginning of autumn, right when the air starts to get cooler and the leaves start to turn down for what.
Honey, grab me a frozen clown penis
"All that's left in the freezer are popsicles"
But that means...
"OH GOD LITTLE SARAH'S BIRTHDAY PARTY"
"We smokin on that loud"
*lights your 2 year old on fire*
Channel 5 news recently learned of a man who can suffocate a person using only his toes, we now go live to this breathtaking footage.