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*kickflips into the air*
*grinds down a rail*
*lands in your arms*
Sorry I'm late, the common tragedies of everyday life weigh heavily upon my fragile soul.
Scientists are stealing my underwear and experimenting on them and I don't have enough money to keep up with all the lawsuits. Next question
Don't forget to set your clocks forward down a path towards greatness by teaching them to read at an early age.
It's hard to believe that I stopped smoking almost 5 years ago, it seems like only yesterday that I was completely engulfed in flames.
There wasn't enough room on the loan application to detail my kung-fu skills so now they're clearing out the break room and chanting my name
Accidentally fell asleep smoking an e-cigarette and when I woke up my whole house was on the internet.
Kids, they grow up so fast. They're becoming skilled in the art of swordplay. They're multiplying. They're taking over. Save yourselves.
All I keep hearing is Ukraine, Ukraine, Ukraine. What about Mekraine?
The penguin is mightier than the swordfish