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How do i set my laser printer to 'stun'?
No matter what you order from the Chinese restaurant, they ALWAYS say, "10 minute."
What are the 5 sizes of dick?... Small...medium....large..extra large.... and WOW..... Does that come in white?
I put a passcode on my phone last night. Don't do that when your drunk.
When you started on twitter, I bet you followed celebrities like we all did. Then we found each other and life got funny in cyberspace.
I just drunk dialed Justin Bieber.......Jerry Sandusky picked up.
The smell of wine and cheap perfume. That's Twitter.
I came across a real friend on Twitter today. I blocked him.
When a woman says, "what"? It's not because she didn't hear you. She's giving you a chance to change what you said.
I just took my bra off....God...does that feel better. The guy standing next to me seems to approve.
Ha. I stopped at the bar for a drink. By myself. Some chick came in by herself. Wonder if I look as pitiful as her?
I met a boy last night at the bar. We have a date next week. He just doesn't know it yet.
Job Security....being Arnold's maid.
Cant stop sneaking peeks at this guys package on the train. I jst wish his face didnt look like tht. I think i could actually fuck his nose.
Who just lit those fireworks? You owe me a pair of panties fucker.
Someone come over....we can play with my Light Bright. I will let you pick the picture.
If my boss knew how much I tweet all day....my ass wld so be fired..opps...gotta go.
Confession: When I get new followers, I always enlarge ur avi, then mentally rate you in my head.
I just tweet about real stuff that happens in life...some of it funny, some not so funny...You have been warned...If you don't like it, leave....
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