Everyone starts at zero followers...then you work your way up..its kinda like high school all over again.

How do i set my laser printer to 'stun'?

No matter what you order from the Chinese restaurant, they ALWAYS say, "10 minute."

What are the 5 sizes of dick?... Small...medium....large..extra large.... and WOW..... Does that come in white?

I put a passcode on my phone last night. Don't do that when your drunk.

When you started on twitter, I bet you followed celebrities like we all did. Then we found each other and life got funny in cyberspace.

I just drunk dialed Justin Bieber.......Jerry Sandusky picked up.

The smell of wine and cheap perfume. That's Twitter.

I came across a real friend on Twitter today. I blocked him.

I just took my bra off....God...does that feel better. The guy standing next to me seems to approve.

Ha. I stopped at the bar for a drink. By myself. Some chick came in by herself. Wonder if I look as pitiful as her?

I met a boy last night at the bar. We have a date next week. He just doesn't know it yet.

Job Security....being Arnold's maid.

When a woman says, "what"? It's not because she didn't hear you. She's giving you a chance to change what you said.

Cant stop sneaking peeks at this guys package on the train. I jst wish his face didnt look like tht. I think i could actually fuck his nose.

@dannydevito R u drunk again?

Who just lit those fireworks? You owe me a pair of panties fucker.

Someone come over....we can play with my Light Bright. I will let you pick the picture.

If my boss knew how much I tweet all day....my ass wld so be fired..opps...gotta go.

Confession: When I get new followers, I always enlarge ur avi, then mentally rate you in my head.