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If Metallica all got their periods at the same time, they'd be Maroon 5.
I'm pretty sure the world's worst name is Adolf Bin Kardashian.
I fold down my laptop screen very slowly at night so i don't squish you guys.
"I don't want to talk about it" is girl code for "I'd like to argue about this for a week".
I want Nickleback to play at my funeral, so my death is the 2nd worst thing there.
My Twitter account is just an extra long suicide note.
Not everyone gets my humour, some people are very stupid.
Unfollowing someone 'cause of one bad tweet is like getting a divorce 'cause your partner farted infront of you.
My clitoris is the doorbell of my body.
People say waxing is the most painful method of hair removal..pretty sure chemotherapy is.
If all of my followers sent me $1, I'd only have $79. Fuck you guys.
the kid in me likes the frosted side, but the adult in me wants to try licking a man's asshole.
Let me take your cock out of your pants and suck it RIGHT FUCKING NOW !!! - My pick up line
I bet Barbra Streisand nose alot about music.
A restraining order ? Playing hard to get only makes me want you more.
Please don't use derogatory slang to describe a woman's salivating cervical circus.
If any of my jokes have offended you I am truly sorry....
that you're such a bitch ass pussy.
Michael Jackson should totally reshoot his Thriller video now.
My God do I miss the mind games & constant plotting on how to get the upper hand that goes along with a commited relationship !
my vagina looks like two pink socks sticking out of a peach hamper
I like some things but dislike other things
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