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  • JessOnCrack
      Jess @JessOnCrack

    If Metallica all got their periods at the same time, they'd be Maroon 5.

    • 324
    • FAVS
    LordFroyanthony_ruddRealJinjaNinjacleve66Naa_Cheesemorale5christiINeverLikedYou1InTheStinker
    • 153
    • RETWEETS
    LordFroyRealJinjaNinjaINeverLikedYouVicMoralLessobi_ian_kenobijoeyhuggles______JagAskellmrtruthandsoul
    RawWhoreOrvllShrednbchr
  • JessOnCrack
      Jess @JessOnCrack

    I'm pretty sure the world's worst name is Adolf Bin Kardashian.

    • 301
    • FAVS
    LordFroy0cclusRealJinjaNinjacleve66Naa_Cheeseclyderun_eyukheather0276
    • 103
    • RETWEETS
    RealJinjaNinjaRealShaughnnamratajugwanthlisa__1282suzyawesome_eyukembee06heroswelcome
    andykozelHoneyman78________
  • JessOnCrack
      Jess @JessOnCrack

    I fold down my laptop screen very slowly at night so i don't squish you guys.

    • 233
    • FAVS
    RealJinjaNinjacleve66Naa_CheeseCheeseboy221InTheStinkerobi_ian_kenobiSwampFoxSly_vRai
    • 47
    • RETWEETS
    RealJinjaNinjaobi_ian_kenobiE_FillingaHoleJennS79galaxy_girlieMelvinofYorkDrDodieyLibbyBlog
    tweetcomedian
  • JessOnCrack
      Jess @JessOnCrack

    "I don't want to talk about it" is girl code for "I'd like to argue about this for a week".

    • 208
    • FAVS
    Naa_Cheese1InTheStinkerobi_ian_kenobiMelvinofYorkMothpetewesleybordelonprincesspottMyLoveGoesDown____
    • 58
    • RETWEETS
    princesspottdearestCapitolSjoeyhuggles______K3LLSSparklesDailystunningseductrHumor_Fetishnatenow55
    KingPatrick24
  • JessOnCrack
      Jess @JessOnCrack

    I want Nickleback to play at my funeral, so my death is the 2nd worst thing there.

    • 136
    • FAVS
    Naa_CheeseINeverLikedYou907JeremyScott1InTheStinkerobi_ian_kenobiLPShanetpainted_eelSandee006
    • 97
    • RETWEETS
    Jared_Koczurabeneelmdq3______haiku_b_doobiedoingwork1980gluehufferworksvwhh5____gbobinaNickDodson9
  • JessOnCrack
      Jess @JessOnCrack

    My Twitter account is just an extra long suicide note.

    • 182
    • FAVS
    Naa_Cheese1InTheStinkerobi_ian_kenobiMelvinofYorkHumor_FetishTheRealLobot______DaveWeaselSchgot89
    • 50
    • RETWEETS
    PAULCARMOTheNazitron_______luistLShittyComedianKittenProblemsLe_Voyageur_WillieSeabrookmrtruthandsoul
    PORNOPINION
  • JessOnCrack
      Jess @JessOnCrack

    Not everyone gets my humour, some people are very stupid.

    • 182
    • FAVS
    Hey_Tessmona416Nir9090Eagle_VisionNaa_CheeseINeverLikedYou1InTheStinkerobi_ian_kenobi
    • 44
    • RETWEETS
    Hey_Tessmona416Eagle_VisionINeverLikedYoumrtruthandsoulcolnickfury______SeesawLickerzenchampion
    SeesawLickerkervinf__________RealJimmySnow____
  • JessOnCrack
      Jess @JessOnCrack

    Unfollowing someone 'cause of one bad tweet is like getting a divorce 'cause your partner farted infront of you.

    • 164
    • FAVS
    cleve66Naa_Cheese1InTheStinkerobi_ian_kenobiMelvinofYorkwesleybordelonHumor_FetishTrueTorontoGirl
    • 53
    • RETWEETS
    TheRealLobot______meagomyeggomisincarnateddrink_bleachBEEAAARRKingPatrick24Sexy_CoEdsLe_Voyageur_
    OriginalnFunny____
  • JessOnCrack
      Jess @JessOnCrack

    My clitoris is the doorbell of my body.

    • 174
    • FAVS
    Naa_Cheeseobi_ian_kenobiMelvinofYorkwesleybordelonprincesspottMyLoveGoesDown____NamelessJonesydomesticH
    • 34
    • RETWEETS
    Humor_Fetishmojo_bones_Ree_Sub__TheRedXQueen______mrtruthandsoulFuckMeNowPlzz____CountGripsnatchArielfollowill7
  • JessOnCrack
      Jess @JessOnCrack

    People say waxing is the most painful method of hair removal..pretty sure chemotherapy is.

    • 134
    • FAVS
    Naa_CheeseINeverLikedYouobi_ian_kenobiMelvinofYorkwesleybordelonHumor_FetishTheRealLobot______Schgot89
    • 48
    • RETWEETS
    INeverLikedYouKingPatrick24Kid_A____________MsMoogSamurai_Ravemattmerkandreikdeleonfavstar1000favs
  • JessOnCrack
      Jess @JessOnCrack

    If all of my followers sent me $1, I'd only have $79. Fuck you guys.

    • 148
    • FAVS
    Naa_Cheeseobi_ian_kenobiMelvinofYorkwesleybordelonHumor_FetishJabberrantdamnjustkellyRee_Sub__
    • 33
    • RETWEETS
    JabberrantmrtruthandsoulCantReadGooddjr_102Le_Voyageur_favstar1000favsA_Bit_Too_Rude____ManricoG
  • JessOnCrack
      Jess @JessOnCrack

    the kid in me likes the frosted side, but the adult in me wants to try licking a man's asshole.

    • 131
    • FAVS
    cleve66Naa_CheeseINeverLikedYouobi_ian_kenobiMelvinofYorkwesleybordelonHumor_FetishTheRealLobot______
    • 37
    • RETWEETS
    rileyismeCountGripsnatchLovepink1120124clitfingerSeesawLickermomoneymo8djr_102ladyfiredancer
  • JessOnCrack
      Jess @JessOnCrack

    Let me take your cock out of your pants and suck it RIGHT FUCKING NOW !!! - My pick up line

    • 102
    • FAVS
    Naa_Cheesehangin_outobi_ian_kenobiMelvinofYorkHumor_FetishTheRealLobot______Schgot89EscF12
    • 19
    • RETWEETS
    obi_ian_kenobifavstar1000favsLe_Voyageur_southrnblueyez____mikeytee77__OHcouple2saggsalotthatfinguy________
  • JessOnCrack
      Jess @JessOnCrack

    I bet Barbra Streisand nose alot about music.

    • 90
    • FAVS
    Naa_Cheeseobi_ian_kenobiMelvinofYorkHumor_FetishTheRealLobot______Schgot89EscF12SeesawLicker
    • 27
    • RETWEETS
    brownpoopypantsLe_Voyageur_u_w0t_m8iits_demirheedtweet______KidsTheZeDaysdetroit_etguoweiho
  • JessOnCrack
      Jess @JessOnCrack

    A restraining order ? Playing hard to get only makes me want you more.

    • 87
    • FAVS
    Naa_Cheeseobi_ian_kenobiMelvinofYorkHumor_FetishTheRealLobot______EscF12FeliciovsSeesawLicker
    • 29
    • RETWEETS
    StcyBnsnSchgot89vikkym424spookydick666bananabrookexHobosexualx______vomitprincess69__ShittyComedian
  • JessOnCrack
      Jess @JessOnCrack

    Please don't use derogatory slang to describe a woman's salivating cervical circus.

    • 98
    • FAVS
    Naa_Cheeseobi_ian_kenobiMelvinofYorkHumor_FetishTheRealLobot______Schgot89EscF12Feliciovs
    • 16
    • RETWEETS
    sister1nChristTessCunninghamthatfinguy________Le_Voyageur_ladyjazsjunkgothsmurfetteFavstar500FavsEPettz
  • JessOnCrack
      Jess @JessOnCrack

    If any of my jokes have offended you I am truly sorry....
    that you're such a bitch ass pussy.

    • 84
    • FAVS
    Naa_Cheeseobi_ian_kenobiMelvinofYorkHumor_FetishTheRealLobot______Schgot89EscF12Feliciovs
    • 26
    • RETWEETS
    FeliciovsNobodys_DarlinAshleeDAbest92SeesawLickerbrownpoopypantsLazaroGHkaaitlinFavstar_NSFW
  • JessOnCrack
      Jess @JessOnCrack

    Michael Jackson should totally reshoot his Thriller video now.

    • 86
    • FAVS
    Naa_Cheeseobi_ian_kenobiHumor_FetishTheRealLobot______Schgot89EscF12Feliciovsclitfinger
    • 17
    • RETWEETS
    sicksixsixLe_Voyageur_smsfunniesKidsTheZeDaysdetroit_etFavstar500FavsbusypromoterOrvllShrednbchr
  • JessOnCrack
      Jess @JessOnCrack

    My God do I miss the mind games & constant plotting on how to get the upper hand that goes along with a commited relationship !

    • 87
    • FAVS
    cleve66Unbongly_BongNaa_CheeseMelvinofYorkprincesspottRafflesWord_odlanyeRdomesticH
    • 13
    • RETWEETS
    hilleredgugkad6__K3LLHumor_FetishLe_Voyageur_djderk____________Favstar500FavsMikeRoch69ronnyxu__________
  • JessOnCrack
      Jess @JessOnCrack

    my vagina looks like two pink socks sticking out of a peach hamper

    • 70
    • FAVS
    cleve66INeverLikedYouHumor_FetishRomoForTheWin____WhatsHerFace33fatbellybeaugadflies__________B0MBS_____________
    • 22
    • RETWEETS
    fatbellybeauB0MBS_____________MemphisPromrtruthandsoulenky2501dj_mikecFavstar_NSFWh3ll0d0lly
    Sister_Roberta
@JessOnCrack

@JessOnCrack

Cerebral Assassin