I'm such a good friend. Re-did @jessoncrack's resume for her! #youowemebitch.

@jessoncrack Are you white? I can't tell.

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qO3R5JcbffM … Psychology of Authority What % of people would obey if they were ordered 2 commit murder? The answer might surprise u

I wanna get cat whiskers tattooed on my face

@jessoncrack I tried to msg u on dawgs in detail about calling Arties show but your box is full hehehe

Wife: I'll give you a blowjob if--
Husband: *mows the lawn *paints the house *does laundry *cooks dinner* Fuck it, I'm too tired.
Wife: see?

I want this cat: pic.twitter.com/pTRpGgILwb

Would like to buy @jessoncrack a beer one of these days. #interestingconvo

@jessoncrack What did I tell you about taking pics in restaurant bathrooms? Perv. (j/k)

@jessoncrack why don't they just keep a salt shaker and a lemon next to them. Problem solved.

@jessoncrack You are really bring your A game. In it to win it. Doubling down.

At least two of those Wayans brothers should have been abortions.

So many boys are scared by a sexually confident woman. Just carry pepper spray.

I do my best acting when I'm pretending to pick up my dog's shit.

@miss_jaxster Jesse's Mom hates big nose, right? How upset is Jesse's mother that he didn't empty his load out into the trash can? HAHAHAHA

Just woke up from a date rape drug. So it WAS a date!!

@jdharm whats it feel like to know your boss purchased a 3rd mansion while you work 50x harder than him and u dont earn jack shit? #jewKIKE

@bethstern @howardstern Just what u 2 need. Another palatial estate to lounge in. Meanwhile @jdharm doesnt have a pot to piss in. #greedyJEW

@jessoncrack That is sooo sad! omg :(

Be offensive. #BeOffensive