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Your hair is so thick.
At some point you've got to stop denying your love for me and just take off your pants.
I only keep you as my "boyfriend" because I'm poor and need you to buy me drinks #undateable
"SIX PACK, Y U NO STOP HIDING UNDER FAT?"
Which stage of grief is sleeping with every hot bartender?
The last time I had a boyfriend, Myspace was still cool. #singlegirlproblems
Getting lipstick on your drink #PartyProblem
Keep your friends close & your enemies' boyfriends closer. #princessprobz
Tonight I don't care about being slutty... I just want candy #fatgirlproblems #happyhalloween
Finally decided what I'm going to be for Halloween....drunk. #princessprobz
Can getting drunk just be fun again? #whitegirlproblems
I feel bad for all of those people who have yet to realize that alcohol can solve all of your problems.
Tonight I plan on making alcoholism look totes adorbs. #princessprobz
Being drunk is my workout #CTL
Ughh I hate the word 'job'.... Unless it's between 'blow' and 'please'.
My type? Hott, rich, funny....basically myself except with a huge penis & biceps. #princessprobz
It's exhausting being the last beautiful AND intelligent woman on the planet. #princessprobz
Post-Grad Temple University'11, Retail Manager, Back Home in North Jersey and Drinking Excessively in Suburbia