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I live paycheck to paycheck and bootycall to bootycall
We need a distraction, so either get a sense of humor or a six pack
If I wanted to have an intelligent conversation with a guy, I would still be dating my teachers
The song "Aint to Proud to Beg" by The Temptations basically describes my sex life to a T at the moment
Lucky for you, I'm drunk
The people who never like shit on Instagram but still follow you are the same people who watch your snapchat story religiously every day
I wonder whose arms you'd run and fall into if you were drunk in a room full of everyone you have ever loved.
Should have worn a KCCO shirt and been a super basic bro for Halloween!
Girls online dating: Should I add this photo to my profile? It's from like 7 months ago
Guys online dating: Fuck yeah I looked good at prom
Listening to "How Deep is your Love" in my headphones and 105% pretending I'm Gigi Hadid walking down the street
Dad called while I'm on the train asking what groceries I wanted "white wine, apples, skim milk, and like three more bottles of white wine"
I don't trust any hairdressers in this town so I'm just going to dye my hair myself, #whitegirlproblems
Pantene Pro-V is like the most expensive shitty shampoo you can buy
I think my favorite part of the gym is going on the bike, watching all the jersey juiceheads walk by, and tweeting.
I like when the taxi on the way to the bar beeps at other cars because we both know how quickly I need to drink
SAVE NUMBERS IN YOUR PHONE OR THE WRONG BOOTY CALL WILL PICK YOU UP #opps...
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