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I think my life is boring enough for me to start tweeting again
I live paycheck to paycheck and bootycall to bootycall
We need a distraction, so either get a sense of humor or a six pack
If I wanted to have an intelligent conversation with a guy, I would still be dating my teachers
The song "Aint to Proud to Beg" by The Temptations basically describes my sex life to a T at the moment
Lucky for you, I'm drunk
Dad called while I'm on the train asking what groceries I wanted "white wine, apples, skim milk, and like three more bottles of white wine"
I don't trust any hairdressers in this town so I'm just going to dye my hair myself, #whitegirlproblems
Pantene Pro-V is like the most expensive shitty shampoo you can buy
I think my favorite part of the gym is going on the bike, watching all the jersey juiceheads walk by, and tweeting.
I like when the taxi on the way to the bar beeps at other cars because we both know how quickly I need to drink
SAVE NUMBERS IN YOUR PHONE OR THE WRONG BOOTY CALL WILL PICK YOU UP #opps...
Nothing like taking love advice from strippers
Im a foot shorter and weigh ten pounds more than Kate Middleton, #loselose
I have five minutes before my next train leaves, and I could run upstairs and get a bagel.. but I'll just have an adderall and call it a day
Tsunami sympathy win, #worldcupfinal
Back in my hometown, and getting back into my hometown exboyfriend's pants
After living in Philadelphia I forgot about grass and trees and fresh air, I can like smell photosynthesis in North Jersey
Eight more pounds till 100 #thanksadderall