Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Yet I keep falling, because one day I'll get it right.
I'm going through this stage where I date people that treat me like crap.
My ex told me I'd never find another man like him...
and I pray to God he's right.
Yeah girl I got a PHD, a pretty huge dick
*high fives an endless line of dudes named Brad*
I'm thinking of going back to school. Second grade sounds pretty good.
Occupation: Stay At-Home Drunk
All my exes call me 'hurricane' because I ruined their lives.
Wanna come help me move, I'll get ya drunk and show you my downstairs mix up?
Only got one side of my pubes shaved before the razor died if any lucky ladies dig the skrillex look
Make your family's thanksgiving memorable with a speech, or by going outside and throwing their glazed turkey under an oncoming Toyota Prius
The day after Thanksgiving is the one day when everyone's poop looks exactly the same.
Just because you paid a lot of money for them doesn’t mean anyone wants to see them.
I'd like to take this opportunity to take stuff.
*drives drunk to get smokes*
*adds fun loving and spontaneous to dating profile*
White people also struggle against prejudice and racism. I hope you never know how it feels to constantly be told to play that funky music.
I tend to overshare after a few drinks, or when grocery clerks acknowledge my existence.
I go through the 5 stages of grief every time I get a bank notification of my current available balance.
Whenever I see the notification light flashing on my phone, I hope and wish it were you. I miss you.
There's a new Xbox coming out today, but I'm still waiting for the XXXbox.
*high-fives porn aficionados (non-dominant hand)*
I'm sorry that I used my spinning roundhouse kicks to gain entrance to your girlfriend's heart.
You'd need an elevator to get up to my level of crazy. Instagram: JessicaFancy