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Don't worry I'm only "good in bed" crazy.
I'll fuck you like a porn star then burn down your house.
If you love something set it free, if they come back tell them you have a boyfriend
Honey I Shrunk All Your Fucking Clothes
Boss: So it says here that u have no selfie control. Don't u mean self-con
*takes out camera and makes a duckface* click*
"MOMMY'S WATCHING THE BACHELOR" she screamed at her cats
Is the East Coast dead yet?
It's ok not to know.
Quiet the external voices.
Listen to yourself Xx
That's not a vibrator in my pocket, it's bees. I have bees in my pocket.
This Dollar Store thesaurus sure is coming in...
The pharmacy will refill your Zoloft faster if you pluck your own eyebrows.
I've seen Frozen so many times that I've started to name all of the individual snowflakes as they fall.
Only 151 days, 2 hours and 7 minutes left until summer, Guys!!!
You can't get too much of a good thing. Like oxygen, man I love that shit.
You know what I like about flowers?
On my calendar of events, you are so last year.
If one door closes, plasterboard that bitch up, paint it over, hang a picture and move on to the next.
There are wonderful things ahead Xx
So we sexted back in '09 and now you're too good for me?
I want a coffee so dark and rich it's directed by Tim Burton.
*gavel starts telling everyone that we're dating now*
I just saw a guy get out of his BMW at the gas station, then trip and fall, so today is already a pretty good day.
You'd need an elevator to get up to my level of crazy. Instagram: JessicaFancy
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