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My dad jeans are making my package look tremendous today
Like shrimp, you have to peel off my outsides to get to the good stuff and lick deep inside the tail wait that's a lobster I'm not seafood
Why doesn’t the moon ever get a smiley face or sunglasses? Let’s give the moon a chance guys.
Things you should know:
You are amazing.
Anyone would be lucky to have you.
Maybe it's easier said than believed.
But try Xx
Fuck you Twitter I love you
I'd do most jobs in this world for the pay of one cheeseburger an hour.
Sure, I might be fat if you ONLY focus on my stomach. But check out these wrists. I mean, they're the wrists of a 10 year old girl.
What do you mean we're out of coffee?
*the sky darkens*
*a wolf howls in the distance*
Do I really need health insurance when I could just duct tape pillows all over my body
I have no fucking clue who 80% of the people on my Facebook are.
I thought they didn't allow dick pics on Instagram...
Oh wait, that's your selfie.
My life is based loosely on the events of Ludarcris' verse in Holidae In by Chingy
Coffee doesn’t work anymore, the government likely removed the caffeine so we’re too tired to do anything about all the other shit they do.
Life is so much easier when you don’t worry about anyone other than yourself.
I get hype over some comfy pajama pants
HOLY SHIT WHEN YOU COME TO THE REALIZATION YOU WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH SOMEONE YOU FEEL SICK TO YOUR STOMACH BUT ITS COOL
Despite my rock and roll lifestyle, I'm pretty sure I'm going to die via punctured gums from a tortilla chip.
You'd need an elevator to get up to my level of crazy. Instagram: JessicaFancy
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