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Easier said than done, especially with ourselves.
But much like great chocolate, so very worth it Xx
[arriving in hell]
I was told there would be a special place for me
People waving signs either look like they're having the best time ever or they're about to step into traffic. There's no middle ground.
Don't talk to me until I've had my coffee. No, not this coffee. Like another coffee, that I will consume in the future
Me: she spent 7 hours talking about Facebook posts, then she mentioned Pintrest, that's when I killed her
Judge: NOT GUILTY!
To everyone I've ever owed: You get an IOU! And you get an IOU! IOUs for EVERYONE!!!
We all make choices that make other people sad. I just think facing into that is the honourable, courageous thing to do. *shrug*
Went online & became an ordained minister then I married a bunch of chicks. We started a fight club. It's not even Friday.
This is way above my pay grade.
*steps on a Lego*
*shouts a bunch of obscenities*
Son: *walks in* is football on?
Opening emails in Starbucks & this gem from Amazon pops up like a neon sign: STILL LOOKING FOR VIBRATORS? HERE'S A FEW MORE TO CONSIDER
"I'm a very private person," she posted on facebook, twitter, instagram, tumblr, snapchat...
Not to brag, but my father came back with cigarettes.
As I'm the same age as my fellow students parents, I'm cutting myself some slack on comparing myself with them in the stamina tests 😁
I like dating co-workers because I can say things like "put your huge wage gap between my thighs" and whatnot.
I'm sorry your husband found out strangers on the internet see your tits more often than he does.
Killed another house plant but this time it was personal.
Hey Twitter? When you rate limit my favs, I grin at your ever-diluted stock being down 62% year on year and your $0.5bn net loss <3 love you
You'd need an elevator to get up to my level of crazy.
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