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  • ShoutingGoddess
      Shout of Sunshine @ShoutingGoddess

    Hey Twitter? When you rate limit my favs, I grin at your ever-diluted stock being down 62% year on year and your $0.5bn net loss <3 love you

    • 29
    • LIKES
    AphoticAbyssfred_peaceheadway10yonewtcityrider49lidoocaineWhite_ResinMindBytes
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    headway10yonewtSteveKoehler22Orange
  • ShoutingGoddess
      Shout of Sunshine @ShoutingGoddess

    Twitter's like the kid at the party who's a little too loud, tells jokes everyone's heard but you know..brings the hot chicks.

    • 36
    • LIKES
    AphoticAbyssheadway10TakeItCheezyHiJCPLittleJimmy61spice_dixieAlanFelykGobshite_
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    AlanFelykcertifiable_endSteveKoehler22EAlMansygirishv11TheBoydPAlexSavva
  • SCbchbum
      Erica @SCbchbum

    I mean, sometimes I wear a low cut tank top and high cut shorts when I'm visiting the senior center. Isn't that charitable enough?

    • 94
    • LIKES
    Saumya_SharanMentalDV8TheMichaelRockjcbro63The_MartiniGirlAZHORSEMOM77SteveKoehler22MelvinofYork
    • 9
    • RETWEETS
    AZHORSEMOM77SteveKoehler22schumyxxxFrancisAGeraldseanweiss2006SeiraleighontheroadjkTheSFNoir
  • BackrowSeats
      Roundhouse @BackrowSeats

    If you're asking me for advice I have to assume you're desperately out of options.

    • 369
    • LIKES
    SafiaMooremythical_soninductivestepcharliebrowncbnyapplegirlLilMamacitaDontshotgun_ryder23meemeebee
    • 314
    • RETWEETS
    ApostropheBookscharliebrowncbLilMamacitaDontmeemeebeeFixin2beDixonedLoveNLunchmeatCantWaitToNapbeefman138
  • dougbies
      Doug Bies @dougbies

    I wish I loved anything as much as 40 something year old women named Jennifer love posting their adult coloring book photos on facebook

    • 51
    • LIKES
    Traceykemp8jrza84_sweetasspielisakaypriceJessicaFancyNyx422Nips_00creampuffmcgee
    • 15
    • RETWEETS
    Nips_00BonJovi32TheMommyDearestStarchily90NippleHipsItsMePonyBoyAsgardianRoseHorseTackle
  • T_Bonezzz_
      Bonez @T_Bonezzz_

    Dear Twitter

    You can unjustly steal my account & can unforgivably steal my momentum but u can NEVER steal my words or the voice behind them

    • 1,088
    • LIKES
    Fickle_FillygentsgoodgirlKerrie72KrquinnkullDropsNoPantiesJustMoi613GaPoptartThatAriesGal
    • 604
    • RETWEETS
    DropsNoPantiesDawnSandy2Tilt_A_SquirrelFXTVaddictChuckieFan1Abbster201mc_funbagsmstern68
    curlymalloyksujuliekathybotteasThaJawnNoticablyBaconScottyd309SteveEllumSean_Burgundy_mattZillaaaabeefman138JonBakertheknobguykelownagooseWendydarlingirlDailyCrush1blakesaussiegrl_Water_Babystargazer15_SteveKoehler22thequeensheartFlyJ_SondraDeeMeAtticusFinch79junejuly12HeyoShellz_Tempo11J_IllunninatilucasloveslilySardonicTartOrignalceQueenVodkantotsbrokenbelle69myonlymizztakedeedragonhunterluvmyADHDEnvysDeadNanaturtledumplinnovicefather
  • Sassafrantz
      Sassafrantz @Sassafrantz

    I did my hair and makeup just to throw on yoga pants and watch tv. I can see why guys think we're confusing.

    • 1,188
    • LIKES
    wikkedanghelSandling_MelRsonicutd20saleprviYetiElizabettyhappy_is_sadkpsnyderBeardBounces
    • 414
    • RETWEETS
    Rachburcz18catboyiamlottiegwalkermarkydoodooSmith2Robn_roenWorldofWidstacywawa1
  • vladchoc
      vladchoc @vladchoc

    Was going to start dating again but then I realised what I really enjoy is gradually feeling worse about myself over dinner.

    • 73
    • LIKES
    Dustytext_Nina_Vgreduh_horny_manateeSCbchbumdonnihatehugRoy_Matrix
    • 11
    • RETWEETS
    ClinicaReedMollySneedSamSheehanNyLow9sjsavesthedaySkyeO01ian5446radiojlh
  • VerifiedDrunk
      Verifried Drunk™®© @VerifiedDrunk

    me:I'm going to smoke my face off!
    her:You can't smoke your face off!
    me:Wanna bet? pic.twitter.com/dgJVnaYnZo

    • 38
    • LIKES
    curlymalloyHamAndVomitHormonellanaturallyuglyInconsteveableTripleFlip66Mr_KapowskiDannyPaps94
    • 16
    • RETWEETS
    garthworldTheSweetestD_TripleFlip66otakugirl01VodkowskicaseytduncanoStealthKillerzolaris64
  • Ideal_Victoria
      Victoria Sofia @Ideal_Victoria

    I like to surprise my boyfriend by showing up unexpectedly where he is… The store, his home, the bathroom stall next to his at his work

    • 135
    • LIKES
    asp_tawanSam_stone31tsm560CtotheASSitslauriarteLoneWolfStoriesGaziusWentzelMLombard
    • 65
    • RETWEETS
    tsm560jeffsimbrownLoneWolfStoriesKizerBillhelmnoxxhellSmuttWhisperershopkins776BryMastas
  • farleftcoast
      farleftcoast @farleftcoast

    Him: Ummmm excuse me but those are MY Xanax!

    Me: Ummmm excuse me but we're married so in the eyes of the Lord they're OUR Xanax.

    • 45
    • LIKES
    williamwantonPeaceInTruth1original_hooplaHormonellaellestepford7reffreyjeevesInsideThisSkinKevinMJackson
    • 12
    • RETWEETS
    InsideThisSkinPork_Sword_JeannieG40ParkyLevineNaomiMojicaManicMinxyTheSweetestD_les_wright
  • DaddyJew
      DaddyJew @DaddyJew

    Everyone always want to know "where's waldo?" but nobody ever takes the time to ask "who is Waldo?"

    - Waldo breaking down in therapy

    • 467
    • LIKES
    CantWaitToNapnoxxhellDelo_SteeloSwirlySkittlesHiJCPnocombnobrushburpeesRfunBJigg
    • 271
    • RETWEETS
    CantWaitToNapTyDurdenthe1SwirlySkittlesterribletruHiJCPnocombnobrushcaseytduncanfirearmslawyer
  • Hormonella
      Mrs. Dick Helicopter @Hormonella

    Want to feel old?

    People born in 1990 have Twitter accounts.

    AND ACTUALLY PUT THAT SHIT IN THEIR BIOS!

    • 90
    • LIKES
    NotMyUSACarpentersCrackAtticusFinch79iwearaonesiepaperphotoyotsm560awescarCunda22
    • 31
    • RETWEETS
    AtticusFinch79tsm560mrsmith196645SteveKoehler22Pickles5366MaxQ8cuntyfruitbatstweenyx
  • dougbies
      Doug Bies @dougbies

    I got called to HR again for wearing a Fruit by the Foot as a headband and introducing myself as Rambo at a meeting

    • 49
    • LIKES
    SammyJB121whiteliquidpprCanadian_Cutie_BareChestyunfluxsummers_sonnyMelloPsychoHi_ImJodi
    • 21
    • RETWEETS
    amandalynne52becabirdnot1ofyourfanswhiteliquidpprCanadian_Cutie_BareChestyunfluxdoiseeee
  • ShoutingGoddess
      Shout of Sunshine @ShoutingGoddess

    You need to realise that it's a choice, as opposed to an obligation, before you can choose wisely.

    Obv.

    • 22
    • LIKES
    headway10cityrider49AllInFunTxsoterriblyvexedBooFricketyHooaparticularwayVinoTicagirishv11
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    girishv11Dons78sbAmiigat
  • ShoutingGoddess
      Shout of Sunshine @ShoutingGoddess

    You have to nurture those seeds of happy. Protect them from harsher elements until they take root. Then just regularly feed and water. Or :(

    • 30
    • LIKES
    BarelyStilli_bleed_tearsheadway10cityrider49KevinDeanGanderBooFricketyHooGardensThatWinVinoTica
    • 7
    • RETWEETS
    sheddingdrossBooFricketyHooAltaf_JiwaDons78sbAmiigatRealBabagasmEidolon180
  • DaddyJew
     
    DaddyJew @DaddyJew

    Interviewer: why should we hire you?

    Me: because the sign out front said you all are hiring

    • 144
    • LIKES
    IamfaiseeMorgen_Stern2SDPlissken1angelamarie7969TrevHavistupendujellydonut52louisjewell
    • 82
    • RETWEETS
    emch1ch1IrregularLexisMorgen_Stern2Kiamah_Beyonf_mundaneTrudaciousjoeyfullystatedHomeProbably
  • Sassafrantz
      Sassafrantz @Sassafrantz

    bf: u need to update your relationship status.

    *sigh* ok babe

    bf: thank y...

    *clicks "it's complicated"

    aww, our first fight lol

    • 989
    • LIKES
    wikkedanghelsonicutd20YourCatButtFacejpandinosartori_73Amber_D_Lushjlynn88888LanieLalaBugs
    • 228
    • RETWEETS
    kashankhan91Altruism___MolotovJohnnyalltheothers526thatdutchpersonKing_ShitheadItsMePonyBoy_troyjohnson
  • YUCKYBOT
      Craig S. @YUCKYBOT

    Having your contact lenses dry up during an intense mobile game is our generation's version of a WW2 pilot losing an engine.

    • 21
    • LIKES
    donniMachiavelli1532TheGabestOfAllHormonellaAdInsanitumXIIIBLVCKmummzy1neilgorp
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    PerezCadena
  • ShoutingGoddess
      Shout of Sunshine @ShoutingGoddess

    I swear my French got exponentially better after I had to argue very forcefully in it last week. Like long term memory needs anger to spark.

    • 38
    • LIKES
    headway10GingerGanderSlinkybrowneyes_odlanyeRBIueSunshinesheddingdrossTheHumanBotRAYbitchgoddess
    • 5
    • RETWEETS
    TheHumanBoticehead13Dons78sbEidolon180mmjblair

Fancy in Wonderland’s Likes

@JessicaFancy

@JessicaFancy

You'd need an elevator to get up to my level of crazy.

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