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  • JesswithaJ
      Jess @JesswithaJ

    In case no one my age was feeling withered and old this morning, just thought I'd let you know Jonathan Taylor Thomas turned 30 today.

    • 15
    • FAVS
    TheNordicHammera_shotgunAMNelson999JessicaFancydancetodrums______CoastiefishJessterPrynneDerick549________
    • 14
    • RETWEETS
    Danimichellescmissodie4The_Antiherokidamyhausdeskrausfavstar_popjohnsobeyDoctorHu
  • JesswithaJ
      Jess @JesswithaJ

    When talking about food, never say 'I like ___ , but ___ doesn't like me'. It just makes people picture you violently shitting.

    • 14
    • FAVS
    bleakjustinGregimoscirocco88xunglamColorlessdaveCatsForDinnerzDerick549________thicktweetness
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    ColorlessdaveCatsForDinnerzgavla2505ShoutingGoddessMentalPoisonKevyMetalWorld
  • JesswithaJ
      Jess @JesswithaJ

    My favorite part of visiting grandparents is the liberal and casual use of words like queers, negros and chinks.

    • 12
    • FAVS
    swingcrusaderbleakjustinGregimoB_poling82sillybitch86______Creamerfan1CatsForDinnerzMLB__tweets______
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    swingcrusaderCatsForDinnerzChug_A_Lugg
  • JesswithaJ
      Jess @JesswithaJ

    Going out with a friend's new GF tonight. It's only right that I get drunk & vomit all over her to assert my dominance as alpha female.

    • 12
    • FAVS
    swingcrusaderbleakjustinduplicitronsillybitch86______HallowedCrowCatsForDinnerzDerick549________perfecteffi
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    Casey_BrettiCatsForDinnerzNot_Elisabeth_
  • JesswithaJ
     
    Jess @JesswithaJ

    @mypolishface And stop lumping all men together as potential gross, rapey misogynists.

    • 13
    • FAVS
    sabrinadacosReedDonQulessErinLSDanderson7DannyJGrahamjohnsobeyTheyNamedMeJaysopernova23
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    MyPolishFace
  • JesswithaJ
      Jess @JesswithaJ

    God help me, but I just really love alcohol a whole lot.

    • 9
    • FAVS
    DrangulaDerick549________bwebster76cjik85chigirl70cazzawndruhSamigrl2__GideonJagged
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    chigirl70miss_visceraSamigrl2__Cool_Jesse
  • JesswithaJ
      Jess @JesswithaJ

    If you refer to coffee as 'java' you're probably just awful.

    • 8
    • FAVS
    Derick549________TeeShirtSoupBob__letsdancebitchsseriousprobz______BillSleazyMiloKilledPunkmablazarus__FlightRisk__
    • 4
    • RETWEETS
    StevenDunn______FRANKSTALICIOUSCool_JesseMiloKilledPunk
  • JesswithaJ
      Jess @JesswithaJ

    If I've learned anything from #FindingBigfoot it's that absolutely everything you see & hear in the bush is, in fact, a bigfoot.

    • 4
    • FAVS
    TheNordicHammerlewilesDaPrudeDan_Morrissey__
    • 6
    • RETWEETS
    doughnutjesusangelabittleTheNordicHammerjadeybrlunascommentaryTreyMorgan
  • JesswithaJ
      Jess @JesswithaJ

    Those mini bar bottles of Scope are great for when you need that little 3 pm pick me up but also require customer-ready breath.

    • 6
    • FAVS
    Derick549________cslashw__________iluvmuscles______jkramblesPaloulasWifeMyPolishFace
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    Not_Elisabeth_PaloulasWifeMiloKilledPunk
  • JesswithaJ
      Jess @JesswithaJ

    Had three babies this morning, like a boss.

    • 7
    • FAVS
    pandafetusnotthatpositivebwebster76allthethinksDaPrudePrettyRudeEeelotocoti__________
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    PrettyRudeEee
  • JesswithaJ
      Jess @JesswithaJ

    I don't care how annoying your grandparents are, be nice to them. Some of us would kill to be annoyed by ours.

    • 6
    • FAVS
    ammyboo13TheLizzyKrubyameowOne_FineMessTheNordicHammerPrettyRudeEee
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    MrsFnBobTheNordicHammer
  • JesswithaJ
      Jess @JesswithaJ

    I'm tired. And my hair hurts.

    • 7
    • FAVS
    Derick549________Jenni35LynnMikeJeffJordanCarmenGiaExtra_ZipperLJS4247Cool_Jesse
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    Cool_Jesse
  • JesswithaJ
      Jess @JesswithaJ

    2000th Tweet!!!!! Wow, I really wasted that, didn't I?

    • 6
    • FAVS
    Derick549________ElifcellonateotterRichard_KeepJimboleemDrSalsaPants
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    DrSalsaPants
    DrSalsaPants
  • JesswithaJ
      Jess @JesswithaJ

    That's enough, Christmas.

    • 4
    • FAVS
    CatsForDinnerzmcvittles________adrienneMTKjordybyjordan
    • 3
    • RETWEETS
    PrettyRudeEeejordybyjordanjohnsobey
  • JesswithaJ
      Jess @JesswithaJ

    If you invest in real cranberry juice you can mix it with an ungodly amount of vodka. #TheMoreYouKnow

    • 5
    • FAVS
    Derick549________KevyMetalWorldMiloKilledPunkJessterPrynnejohnsobey
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    missodie4MiloKilledPunk
  • JesswithaJ
      Jess @JesswithaJ

    Does anyone know who makes that eau de dentist office cologne that middle aged gentlemen seem to fancy?

    • 6
    • FAVS
    CatsForDinnerzDerick549________polejock1JessterPrynnedaneJustinMyPolishFace
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    MyPolishFace
  • JesswithaJ
      Jess @JesswithaJ

    "You smell like the inside of mama's purse." #CreepyCompliments

    • 7
    • FAVS
    Derick549________MyPolishFacekidamyKevyMetalWorldJessterPrynnemablazarusmcescher32
  • JesswithaJ
      Jess @JesswithaJ

    How do you get a job as the model on the abortion helpline billboards? Does experience count? #MyPolishTweet

    • 6
    • FAVS
    Derick549________cslashw__________PaloulasWifesnownessCoorsLiteLoverMyPolishFace
    • 1
    • RETWEET
    MyPolishFace
  • JesswithaJ
      Jess @JesswithaJ

    Once you start writing your name on Tupperware your life is pretty much over.

    • 4
    • FAVS
    JesswithaJbwebster76Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48
    • 2
    • RETWEETS
    Avatar_unknown_48Avatar_unknown_48
  • JesswithaJ
      Jess @JesswithaJ

    Pick your Ugg cloven hooves up when you walk, you fat lazy sow. #Walmart

    • 6
    • FAVS
    TheNordicHammernotthatpositivebarbhaynesjohnsobeyMyPolishFaceColorlessdave
@JesswithaJ

@JesswithaJ

I feel as though I'm funnier than I get credit for.