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Those 6 anger managment classes really worked. I only have 1 hole in my wall now.
God, I wish I was black. I would be so much cooler!
Danny Trejo & Seal played a game of Jumanji. The dice read, "There were woodpeckers on the way." Their faces explain the rest of the story.
Has anyone actually thrown a hot dog down a hallway?
Always a mom never a bride.
They used to be called "Jumpolines" till your mom jumped on one back in 1974.
When people say, "We're going balls out!" I take that literally. Now I'm totally underdressed :(
My son informs me red means stop. Green means race.
Ladies: Don't bitch at your man, give him incentives. Blowjobs are great incentives...
If Tracy Chapman and Macy Grey had a baby, I'm positive it would look like Ben Wallace.
Only boring people get bored.
Just saw a bum holding a need money sign get a $10. I might have just found my summer job, but my sign HAS to have glitter. Sign swaggin'.
I wish this diarreah came from a night of awesome anal instead of it comming from a box of tacos layered with stress.
I'm pretty sure Ambien could be doubled as a date rape drug.
The last month of pregnancy can suck my ass! That is all.
Does anyone else have a kid with ADHD? Really need a support group right now
You couldn't pay me enough money to make out with Danny Trejo. Follow me on instagram: Jewunit03