@JezebelTheGreat's (Jessie, fool.) most faved Tweets...
Hey guys, the bf & I are getting renter's insurance together today!
That's just a hop, skip and a fake pregnancy away from getting married!
That's just a hop, skip and a fake pregnancy away from getting married!
Dude did his taxes...turns out I'm worth three grand, just like that nice Russian man said when I was twelve!
Dude, I just sneezed sixteen times in a row and it didn't affect my clitoris at all.
You lied to me, science. You lied to me.
You lied to me, science. You lied to me.
If it weren't for television and the internet, I wouldn't know how to murder someone or fist properly.
"Why can't you suck like that yogurt commercial chick?"
"I can. I'm saving it for the man I marry."
I see a ring in my future, guys!
"I can. I'm saving it for the man I marry."
I see a ring in my future, guys!
For the next forty days I'll be enjoying tequila, frontal nudity and delicious chocolate pudding while the rest of you sigh dejectedly.
Ironic how half of Twitter doesn't know the difference between "your" and "you're," yet they all seem to know what a palindrome is.
Don't raise your brow at me, young video store girl, just nod your fucking head in the direction of "Eddie & The Cruisers."
Thanks.
Whore.
Thanks.
Whore.
You know your hair's too long when you bend over to change the tp roll and MY HAIR JUST TOUCHED THE TOILET WATER, THE TOILET WATER, WHY GOD
If you develop a sudden headache after a tweet, it's because you said something stupid and I'm playing squishy head with your avatar.
I learned a long time ago that if you can do the splits standing up, you'll never have to pay for another drink for the rest of your life.
I told the dude to avoid any Hallmark bullshit for V-Day, so of course I'm expecting a macaroni collage that says "Thanks for all the head!"
"See, that's why they put the hookers in display windows in Amsterdam. So you can decide what color herpes you want."
I don't eat my feelings, I eat men's feelings...and by "feelings" I mean "will to live."
Submission tastes yummy.
Submission tastes yummy.
Celebrating Ash Wednesday with a Bailey's and coffee.
Oh, you mean it's not like a celebratory thing?
Well, whatever. Go Jesus!
Oh, you mean it's not like a celebratory thing?
Well, whatever. Go Jesus!
Text from a friend back home: So are you guys "engaged to be engaged?"
My reply: Ugh, I hate that term. I prefer "still fucking."
My reply: Ugh, I hate that term. I prefer "still fucking."
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