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@JezebelTheGreat
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Friends: 496
Followers: 1,050
Favs Given: 8,686
Favs Rec'd: 5,844
@JezebelTheGreat's (Jessie, fool.) most faved Tweets...
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Just got home and took my bra and my pride out of my purse.
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Today's shaping up to be yesterday's slightly more attractive but still not quite fuckable sister.
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Hey guys, the bf & I are getting renter's insurance together today!
That's just a hop, skip and a fake pregnancy away from getting married!
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Dude did his taxes...turns out I'm worth three grand, just like that nice Russian man said when I was twelve!
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Dude, I just sneezed sixteen times in a row and it didn't affect my clitoris at all.
You lied to me, science. You lied to me.
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If it weren't for television and the internet, I wouldn't know how to murder someone or fist properly.
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"Why can't you suck like that yogurt commercial chick?"
"I can. I'm saving it for the man I marry."
I see a ring in my future, guys!
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I nicked myself again in that place Barbie doesn't know about and Ken wishes was a penis.
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For the next forty days I'll be enjoying tequila, frontal nudity and delicious chocolate pudding while the rest of you sigh dejectedly.
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Ironic how half of Twitter doesn't know the difference between "your" and "you're," yet they all seem to know what a palindrome is.
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Don't raise your brow at me, young video store girl, just nod your fucking head in the direction of "Eddie & The Cruisers."
Thanks.
Whore.
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You know your hair's too long when you bend over to change the tp roll and MY HAIR JUST TOUCHED THE TOILET WATER, THE TOILET WATER, WHY GOD
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If I had a penny for every "your mom" joke I've read on here, I could afford yours.
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If you develop a sudden headache after a tweet, it's because you said something stupid and I'm playing squishy head with your avatar.
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I learned a long time ago that if you can do the splits standing up, you'll never have to pay for another drink for the rest of your life.
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I told the dude to avoid any Hallmark bullshit for V-Day, so of course I'm expecting a macaroni collage that says "Thanks for all the head!"
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"See, that's why they put the hookers in display windows in Amsterdam. So you can decide what color herpes you want."
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I don't eat my feelings, I eat men's feelings...and by "feelings" I mean "will to live."
Submission tastes yummy.
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Celebrating Ash Wednesday with a Bailey's and coffee.
Oh, you mean it's not like a celebratory thing?
Well, whatever. Go Jesus!
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Text from a friend back home: So are you guys "engaged to be engaged?"
My reply: Ugh, I hate that term. I prefer "still fucking."
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