I propose "twittercide" be changed to "qwitter."

Im stupid on purpose & genius accidentally.

I dont get retweeted because i am everyone's dirty little secret.

Retweet if your raging alcoholism is the elephant in the room today.

Think I invented a new word, thanks to my idiocy, and one of you... "Typochondriac", they live in constant fear of mispelling in a tweet.

"FUCK HIM" is not the wisest thing to say to your girl when she is telling you about who harrasses her at work.

The right girl is like a cigar that was worth the wait, effort & expense. The others are all off brand cigarettes.

Fun fact: angels never queef.

For xmas, I'm handing out bluetooth headsets 2 homeless so it looks like they're taking a business call rather than talking 2 selves.

Someone here has got me feeling all "licky"

Hey, rest of world, USA is made up of immigrants from you... So, we're your fault. Suck it.

1 get really high. 2 find self funny & smart. 3 get on twitter to share genius with world. 4. Got nothing; criticize others instead.

Grasshopper... Put your boob in my hand....

Was recalling how I walked in on dad jacking off dry fisted in bathroom when I was 9 and thought he was punching himself in the balls...

Im just here to read the condecending tweets of this sites veterans who imagine they are more accomplished than the noobs.

Never tell me to go fuck myself, cuz I will, I've seen me do it!

Sometimes I imagine myself somewhere between Ron White & Daniel Tosh. But I'm just somwhere between a bottle of scotch & bedtime.

Ima learn y'all how ta be more funnier.

Like fingers through the toilet paper; so are the days of our lives.

Retweet me, bitches, I got it all! I'll stimulate yer mind, tickle yer funnybone, getcher thang wet, and help save yer soul.