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Bought 5 Chick-fil-a sandwiches. Joke’s on them tho, I’m just gonna mash ‘em into a dick shape and put it in my butt a whole bunch.
I got it at Ross: the public-child beating coliseum. You know what else is on discount at Ross? Manners.
Slashing educational funding is always going to be a part of the republican agenda because it'll create more republicans.
Vibrators are like colleges - if you see a commercial for one on TV, it's probably pretty shitty.
Things to spice up the derby:
1. Landmines
2. A counter on the screen that counts how many times the n-word is muttered into a mint julep
I don't know why people use those changing stations in bathrooms. Just dunk the baby a few times in the toilet and blow-dry it.
Surprisingly few people sell the garage even though they’re blatantly advertising that they are.
I leave shotgun shells in drawers and cabinets in the house so my roommates never forget who they're dealing with.
I like thunderstorms because I know somewhere close a murder mystery is happening.
Whimsy.
