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Really, the only problem with my safe word - "cornucopia" - is I can never remember it when it's needed. Oh, and I can't pronounce it.
When I finally do leave twitter, I sure as hell better get a lovely parting gift.
All the potholes are 6ft deep with teeth reaching out to bite your ass and pull you down under …
I swear to fucking god!
When you're typing and you get a red squiggly line under some of the words. I feel like I should have one of those lines under me most days.
Looking forward to a "Ride for Suicide" sounds wrong but yup, can't wait.
Hell! I'd ride for Satan at this point.
Some people fall off the map
… others jump.
Love is in the giving not the taking.
Remember when the Stones sang You Can't Always Get What you Want?
Knowing your suffering can make atleast one person happy …
makes it worthwhile.
Looks like a busy day. Might just skip straight to lunch.
I suppose, if all these different Gods people worship are male, are we going to find them all fighting and jockeying for position in Heaven?
My sex life is like a warm summer breeze.......
and it's -18° celcius here.
The elevator scene from The Shining, except it's cookies.
Humans: we write lullabies & manufacture land mines.
When this is all done, it'll be put away in a box with the lid shut. No huge celebration. I have too many friends still in the middle of it.
Shut up! I'm normal!
… am too! Uh huh!
"Here, I think this will suit you."
- points to shallow grave
The end of the week gives me the giggles, but then again so does epic flatulence.
What do you call a two-legged Lion without whiskers?
Really fucking hungry.
There was a woman in Starbucks fiddling with her selfie stick. I had to resist the urge to run over, pick it up and whack her with it.
From the 12 winded sky. That photo is 40+. Follow friends of the month @clindsaysway @fillthevacuum @nakedlaughing @RichHarris2 @SapphireBel
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