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Driving is way more fun when you've lost the will to live.
The only running I've ever done involves nylons.
wife[to pregnant friend] And they NEVER stop showing you things they make
me*takes picture of the beer can pyramid I made**sends it to her*
I think Americans in general have difficulty distinguishing between balderdash and reality.
Balderdash. It's a thing.
My husband has won awards, medals, and accolades for putting a dirty coffee cup in the sink 3 minutes after I've turned on the dishwasher.
I'm pissed off! I was going to rt that tweet & my tl moved! This alcohol is slowing me down! *takes another shot*
You women on Facebook trying to sell me a pink drink that makes me stop craving alcohol and caffeine can choke on a pink dick
Him: My love language is physical touch
Me: cool, mine is leave me the fuck alone, but still tell me I'm pretty
It's nice to see people tweeting about Star Wars for a change.
NO I WILL NOT FOLLOW BACK I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE YOU ARE GOING THERE COULD BE BEARS.
I AM SO FUCKING BORED OF BEING MAD NOW, PLEASE MAY I HAVE A LOBOTOMY WITH A LARGE WHISKY CHASER THANKS AND TA.
Hello darkness, you malignant old fucker...
I'm wearing a pair of casual pants that required ironing and I don't know what is happening to me.
Meet me at the nearest chrono-synclastic infundibulum. I'll be the one in the green shirt.
Thinking makes tweeting WAY more difficult.
Kinda like it does life.
I need to think about this for awhile.
I don't know if I can manage enough joined-up thoughts to write a whole book.
Being charged with criminal mischief sounds adorable.
We are all in the same boat.
Albeit yours may be a yacht and mine a paddle boat, but all it takes is an inch of water to drown.
Remember how excited we were about Twitter when we first joined. Now, aside from a few people, we're all "oh gawd, please just shut up."
The more annoyed you allow yourself to become when people say 'May the fourth be w/you',
the less effective your force choke skills.
From the 12 winded sky. That photo is 40+. Follow friends of the month @jimmy_sharpe @JoParkerBear @RichHarris2 Remembering @OutOfLeftField_
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