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I dreamt last night about having a splinter stuck in my penis. I can't quite remember what led to that.
I time traveled once. The future was all hippy vegan shit. It's up to us to fix it. Eat more veal, people. It's delicious.
If you love camping and shitty wine, being homeless might be for you.
I don't sit on my hand for "the stranger." I sit on my hand to warm it up. I respect my penis and his needs.
Tomorrow's to do list: Call Public Defender, google used tires.
Like an idiot, I bought a bottle of wine and forgot to get more cigarettes. Guess who gets to walk his stupid ass to the store.
If women are such great drivers, why are their tees so much closer to the pin?
To balance the universe Minnie Driver must now die in a pedestrian crossing.
In remembrance, I'm going to watch a marathon of Paul Walker's greatest films.
...and I'm done.
You got to be one stupid mother fucker to get fired on yo day off.
I have a Star Wars problem. There, 1st step done.