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Words with no friends.
Trying to decide if I should buy this Bon Iver album or just listen to my neighbors cat screech for the rest of the evening.
If I ever became a doctor, I would gasp dramatically every time a patient shows me something they're worried about. Then I'd be all LOL JK.
Instagram isn't functioning properly and now I'm just holding this Starbucks in my hand, clueless as what to do next.
50 followers is equal to one actual real friend, right guys?
just heard a girl call her significant other cuddle wuddles so I killed everyone in this starbucks.
Sometimes I pretend to forget things about people because apparently having a good memory is creepy
In 5 years, the term "you're okay in my book" will be "you're okay in my kindle"
The big toe is just the obese uncle of the foot family.
What's sad is the amount of things I would do for a klondike bar.
Still waiting for the day I hear a below-average IQ girl make the statement "I cheated on my pregnancy test!"
If I said women will always be better at making sandwiches than men are, would that make me a sexist or a feminist?
watching anyone over the age of 70 eat food is absolutely horrifying.
I'm wearing enough bracelets to qualify as a gypsy
Someday I'm going to grab a squirrel and throw it in my pool screaming "SANDY! SPONGEBOB NEEDS YOU!"
somebody asked me how much I liked the new adele album so I punched them in the face
I, hate when people incorrectly, use commas.
I really think America needs to incorporate "obese" somewhere in our national anthem.
We get it, people who post nothing but bible verses on their Facebook. You're better than us.